This is the final part of "Captured!" I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I
enjoyed writing it. Thanks for your support, and thanks for your feedback. Your
comments are always welcome.
soleil.
Part 10
Sarah wept silently as she gathered her possessions in a little pile on the bed.
Big, silent tears that streamed down her face and they just fell and fell. The
tears just wouldn't stop. She didn't have much to pack. A few pieces of
clothing, bits of makeup, a dog-eared book and the things she'd originally taken
to the island.
The island.
It seemed to Sarah it was a lifetime ago, and in some ways it was. She was
different now, almost unrecognizable from the scared, frightened girl who'd been
hustled up the beach and into the hut with her companions. So much had happened,
Sarah knew she'd never be the same person again.
Footsteps, and Sir entered the room. "Hurry up" he said brusquely. "It's a long
drive to the airport, and if I miss my plane, there'll be hell to pay."
Sarah couldn't speak, couldn't answer him, couldn't look at him. Her pain was so
raw, and she didn't want him to see her like this. So she bustled about busily,
careful to avoid eye contact with him as she shoved her things into the bag he'd
given her. Then, she was finished. Casting a last, lingering look around the
room, she zipped the bag and turned to S, pushing her hair off her face. Puffy
green eyes collided with icy blue eyes.
"I'm finished, Sir," she said quietly.
"About time."
Then, with a critical look, he said, "Go fix yourself up before we leave. You're
a fucking mess."
Sarah did as he told her to do - went into the bathroom, fixed her hair, fixed
her makeup. But try as she might, she couldn't erase the sadness from her eyes.
The same eyes that once sparkled so brightly were now dull and empty. Then,
heart heavy, Sarah collected her bag and walked through to the living room. S
was standing before the huge windows, arms crossed, body tense, watching the
waves as they crashed on the sand far below. He turned as she entered the room.
"Kneel there, hands behind your back," he barked, pointing to a spot in front of
him.
Sarah's heart leaped with hope. Had he changed his mind? Could they stay?
Skittering across the room, she did as she was told and kneeled expectantly
before him, her hands folded behind her back as she looked up at him with wide
eyes.
"Head down," he instructed.
Sarah obeyed instantly, her curls tumbling about her face as she bowed her head.
She shivered as she felt his hands on her, fumbling at her neck. Then, ice
flooded her veins as she realised what he was doing.
"No, Sir, no!" she cried in distress as his fingers unbuckled the leather collar
encircling her neck.
"Please, Sir, please don't take my collar away!"
"Be quiet," he hissed, slipping it from her. "Don't you say a fucking word!"
Sarah sobbed helplessly as he took it from her, her body shuddering as she
gulped for air. His action cut into her like a knife, wounding her psyche and
her soul. Groping at her neck in a vain attempt to keep it with her, she fancied
she could feel the weight of the leather still around her neck, though she knew
it was gone.
"Look at me," he snapped, standing over her, weighing the collar in his hands.
Sarah shook her head, keening like a small, injured wild animal.
"Look at me!" He prodded her with his boot.
Sarah reluctantly obeyed. His face was stony, his lips pressed so tightly
together they were white. His eyes were flat and cold, expressionless as he
gazed at her.
"I'm releasing you. You're free, I no longer own you. Do you understand me?"
He spat the words out like bullets from a gun, each one hitting Sarah fair on
target, leaving her bleeding and exposed.
"Sir, I don't want to be free, please don't do this!" she wailed, her heart
breaking.
"Please, please don't do this. I'll do better, I'll behave, I'll do anything.
But please, don't release me," she begged, her voice thick with tears.
"It's not about being better, or behaving, Sarah. This is the way it is. This is
the way it has to be. You are released. That is all."
He thrust the collar into his pocket, then picked up his bags.
"Get up, we're going."
The drive to the airport was strained and tense; neither spoke. Sarah watched
the scenery race past, but she didn't see it, not really. She was numb, now. She
didn't feel anything. Just dead inside.
They arrived with moments to spare, checked in, and hurried through airport
security to the departure lounges. Being regional, it wasn't a big airport, and
the gates weren't far apart. But Sarah's flight was leaving first, so they went
to hers. They made it just as her flight was called. A queue of people snaked
around the lounge as they waited to board the plane. Sarah stopped abruptly,
loathe to join it.
"Get in line," said S grimly as he pushed her towards the waiting passengers.
Sarah blindly obeyed, water clouding her vision once more. Unable to stop
herself, she felt her bottom lip tremble and the tears came again, endless,
desperate tears.
"For God's sake!" snapped S, pulling her roughly to one side. "I've explained
all this! You know it has to be like this, there's no other way. I can't take
you with me, and I'm not coming back. You have to go, you have to go home, and
that's the way it is. Do you understand?"
Sarah nodded dumbly, tears still pouring down her face. "I know, Sir. I know you
have to go. But I... I just...I can't..." She gulped noisily, unable to
continue.
"What?" asked S, his voice softening.
"I just won't be able to breathe without you, Sir," she whispered, her face a
mask of pain and grief.
"Well, you'll have to learn. You're strong, Sarah, stronger than you know, and
you'll have to learn. Okay?"
Sarah nodded, unable to look at him.
S pulled Sarah into his arms, catching her off guard. Dropping her bag, she
melted into his embrace, shuddering as his arms encircled her, gathering her to
him. "Breathe for me, baby," he whispered, his lips against her hair.
The line of waiting people shrunk slowly as everyone trailed through the door,
on to the air bridge and into the plane. Then, Sarah was the last passenger
remaining in the lounge. The flight attendant looked over to them quizzically,
an eyebrow raised. S acknowledged her silent question with a curt nod, and let
go of Sarah.
"Time to leave," he said, a note of finality in his voice.
Sarah nodded, almost blinded by her tears.
"We can't be together, can we?" she whimpered, in a desperate, last ditch
attempt to hear the answer she so badly wanted to hear.
"No," replied S, woodenly.
"Will I see you again?"
"Probably not. But you know that, I've made it perfectly clear, I think. So
let's not drag this out," he said through gritted teeth.
"Do you still love me?" cried Sarah, her chest heaving as she valiantly tried to
choke back her grief.
"For fuck's sake, just go, will you?" snarled Sir, as the flight attendant
beckoned impatiently in their direction. He pushed her towards the door.
"Just go," he repeated, more gently this time. "That's an order!"
Obeying him without question for the final time, Sarah smoothed her hair, then
plucked a tissue from her sleeve and blew her nose. Picking up her bag, she gave
herself a mental shake as she pushed her shoulders back, then looked proudly at
S.
"I may be leaving, but I'll never say goodbye, I won't say it. And we may not be
together, but I have your tattoo etched on my body, and I have you engraved in
my soul. You'll always be with me, no matter how far apart we are. I'll always
love you, endlessly, deeply, and desperately. I'll never give up hoping you'll
come for me. That's just the way it is."
S nodded grimly in response, a muscle spasming in his clenched jaw.
He watched Sarah walk away and present her boarding pass to the attendant. As
she went through the door, she paused and looked at him one last time, their
eyes locking as silent, intangible energy flowed between them. He stood
motionless as she turned and disappeared down the corridor, into the steel belly
of the waiting aircraft. His shoulders slumped as she vanished, and he reached
into his pocket and fingered the soft leather of her collar.
"Yes, Sarah," he whispered. "Yes, I still love you."
Then, his face set in stone, he turned and walked away from them as the plane
engines screamed, carrying Sarah away, into the blue.
________________________________________
Sarah looked at the newspaper spread out before her on her lap. It was the same
newspaper she'd read every morning for years, no matter where she was in the
world. Carefully, she read the newsprint again, tracing her finger across the
paper and mouthing the words as she went.
It was over.
As the flicker of hope which burned within her soul finally sputtered and died,
the newspaper slid to the floor with a gentle rustle and Sarah leaned back in
her chair and closed her eyes in silent acceptance. She understood now that he
would never come for her, that she would never see him again. After all these
years, it was finally over.
Sarah stayed motionless for long minutes as memories crashed and collided with
long buried pain and hurt deep within her. Behind closed eyes, she could see him
in her mind's eye as if they'd been together just yesterday, his face smiling at
her with those glorious blue eyes and deep, deep dimples. Then, footsteps shook
her from her reverie, and she opened her eyes as Steven came towards her,
bringing her a cup of tea.
"You alright?"
Sarah looked at him fondly. He was so intuitive. He gave her the tea, and Sarah
circled her hands around the cup, drawing warmth from the hot china. She smiled
then, a trace of a smile, as she looked up into the blue, blue eyes of her only
child.
"I'm fine, darling. But I have to go away for a few days; I'm leaving this
afternoon. I need to get away for a while, just me, and I won't be long. I
should be back by Friday. Can you take care of things while I'm away?"
"Sure," replied Stephen. He was staying with her while his own house was being
built; it saved him paying rent and besides, his mother lived close to the city,
close to where he worked.
Sarah eyed him over the rim of her cup. He was so very like his father, she
thought. Same eyes, same height, same body type. Same confidence and
self-assurance. Intelligent and strong. Though it had been a shock when she
discovered she was pregnant, their son been a great source of love and joy for
her over the years. Along with trouble, she thought ruefully. He'd certainly
added a few gray hairs to her head.
"Will you tell me where you're going? Take your phone, at least?"
"No, and yes," said Sarah shortly, then smiled at him. "I'm okay, I just have to
take care of a few things."
Sarah spoke with a note of finality and Steven knew better than to question her.
Although she loved him ferociously and had done her best to bring him up on her
own, some topics were off limits. He had a feeling this trip of hers was one of
them. Still, he silently wondered what had prompted this latest need for
solitude. His mother was unreachable when she was like this.
Packing quickly, Sarah folded clothes and toiletries into her suitcase.
Hurriedly, she rummaged through her drawers and shoved a few items in her
carry-on bag, then gathered her things together and left the house in a bustle
of stoic determination and purpose.
Sarah's flight landed and she picked up her car from the airport hire counter.
Driving towards her hotel, Sarah wondered if she was doing the right thing,
going to him this one last time. But her memories urged her on, and she knew she
finally had to say goodbye. It had been many, many years since she'd seen him,
though he had lived within her regardless and she had never forgotten him or
given up hope that one day, he would find her again.
Later that night, Sarah sat on the balcony of her hotel room and looked out over
the water lapping gently on the shore below her. But she didn't see the ocean,
nor did she smell the sea spray. Instead, she was back in another place, beside
another ocean; the very ocean where they'd first collided all those years ago.
Jerking herself back to reality, Sarah walked inside and went to bed.
When the last of the mourners departed, Sarah crept silently though the cemetery
to his grave. Kneeling beside the freshly turned ground, she gazed down at the
cedar coffin littered with the sods of earth and colorful flowers his family and
friends had thrown. Tears splashed down her face then, and she made no attempt
to check them.
"This is yours, I think," said a soft voice.
Startled, Sarah turned and looked up at the woman standing behind her. The woman
smiled with a brittle expression, and held out a small bag. She was older than
Sarah, still attractive, though her face was lined and her hair, gray. Sarah
looked at the bag the woman offered, absently noticing the gold band gleaming
dully on her finger.
Sarah stood clumsily, smoothing her skirt. "Who are you? What is it?" she asked,
puzzled.
"It doesn't matter who I am. But he knew you'd come. Anyway, he wanted you to
have this. I found it among his personal things, with a note saying to give it
to you when you did. I don't know what it means, but it was obviously important
to him that you get it. So, here it is," she said, simply.
The woman thrust the bag into Sarah's grasp, and Sarah took it. The two women
looked at each other closely for silent moments.
"Was he... was it quick?" asked Sarah, brokenly.
"Yes. Heart attack. Doing what he loved. No pain," she replied briefly, though
Sarah felt the women's own pain, for it mirrored hers.
"Well, I'll leave you to it," the woman said finally, and turned abruptly, her
black dress swirling around her ankles like a cloud as she disappeared through
the trees.
Sarah watched her go, then looked at the bag in her hands. She opened it slowly,
tears flooding her eyes as she saw what it contained.
"My collar," she whispered, turning the old cracked leather over in her hands.
"It's my collar, he kept it all these years."
She rubbed the worn leather, caressing it, as memories flooded through her. She
loved him just as much now as she did then, and she knew that somehow, he knew
it too. The knowledge comforted her, eased her heartache. Pressing her lips to
the leather one last time, she turned and tossed it into the void.
Then, reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a photograph of she and Steven
smiling into the sun, their hair blown in the wind, happy grins on their faces.
Releasing it, she watched as it fell from her fingertips, floating gently down
on the breeze.
"Goodbye, my Master," she whispered as their photograph joined her collar on the
polished wood far below.
Sarah turned and walked away.
________________________________________________________________________
Beloved Sir ~ Natalie Merchant (with apologies)
You were the love
for certain of my life
You were simply my beloved Sir
i don't know for certain
how i'll live my life
now alone without my beloved Sir
my beloved Sir
i can't believe
i've lost the very best of me
You were the love
for certain of my life
you were simply my beloved Sir
i don't know for certain
how i'll live my life
now alone without my beloved Sir
my beloved Sir
i can't believe
i've lost the very best of me
You were the love
for certain of my life
for so many years simply my beloved Sir
With another love i'll never lay again
it's You i can't deny
it's You i can't defy
a depth so deep
into my grief
without my beloved soul
i renounce my life
as my right
now alone without my beloved Sir
my beloved Sir
my beloved Sir
my love is gone I'll suffer long
in hours of pain
my love is gone
now my suffering begins
my love is gone
would it be wrong if I should
surrender all the joy in my life
go with Him tonight?
my love is gone I'll suffer long
in hours of pain
my love is gone
would it be wrong if i should
just turn my face away from the light
go with Him tonight?
