BDSM Library - The Pain and Pleasure Journals

The First Session

I was given a set of instructions that I was to follow in preparation for each training session…. I was instructed to shave myself bare…… my underarms, my legs, even the hair from my mound, my cunt and my ass. I had been given a list of items to purchase as well: a two quart enema bag with a hook for hanging; a douche nozzle, which is longer and fatter than the standard enema nozzle; adult glycerin suppositories and lastly, packets of Castile soap flakes.

Next came the hardest and almost torturous part of my preparation…I had been warned that it would be a two hour process…First, I had to insert three glycerin suppositories into my rectum and hold them inside for at least twenty minutes, no less, no matter how bad the cramping got. The instructions suggested setting a timer so I didn't cheat. At the end of that long twenty minutes I was allowed to relieve myself on the toilet. Next I had to fill the enema bag with two quarts of hot water and mix in a packet of soap flakes. I hung the bag on the towel rack and then knelt down on the floor. I applied lube to the nozzle and worked it all the way into my ass. With my cheek to the floor and my ass raised, I released the clamp. I stopped the flow as necessary wh en the cramping got bad or I felt like I couldn't hold anymore. Once that feeling passed, I continued until the whole bag was empty. I held this solution for a full ten minutes and left the nozzle in to help hold in the soapy water. I was allowed and even encouraged to roll onto my side or back and massage my belly to let the solution work deep inside me.

This proved to be very difficult….that much water had filled me so full that my belly looked huge. The soapy solution caused such bad cramping that I thought I'd die. I didn't think there was any way I could continue to hold it all in. The cramps kept hitting in waves and all I could do was massage my belly and roll and clench as tight as I could the whole time. I cried with the pain and the urgency, fearing all the while that I would fail to hold it in long enough. Somehow I managed to survive this painfully long waiting period. I was so swollen that I had to cradle my belly in my hands as I rose to the toilet. It took as much as thirty minutes for all of the soapy solution to work its way out. Finally I filled the bag with warm water and added one teaspoon of salt. I had to take the full two quarts of water and hold it for yet another twenty minutes to rinse out the last of the soapy solution. When at last, I expelled this, I was considered sufficiently clean inside for the Masters. I did feel completely cleaned out…empty inside and pounds lighter. I didn't know how I did it or how I would find the courage to go through this twice a week for the training. Of course, after that I was also expected to bathe the outside of my body thoroughly. It took longer than the 2 hours and so I had to rush around getting ready to leave.

I managed to finally locate the farm after several wrong turns and arrived at a quarter till five. My heart was pounding and I was shaking so badly that I just sat in the car for several minutes, but then knowing that I had given my word, that this was my commitment…..I got out and entered the barn through the small side door.

Master James met me there and it was almost like he had been standing there waiting. I wondered if he had been watching me, if he had felt my indecision there at the last. He motioned me to follow him down a short hallway and led me into a small changing room.

"Take off all your clothes, slut," he said, "and then come into the dungeon."

He smiled a little bit when he said it and I felt better. I didn't say anything, just kept my eyes lowered and nodded. When he left I slipped out of my clothes and laid them over a little bench that was there. Not wanting to give myself time to think or reconsider, I did as directed and opened the same door Master James had used when he left me.

The inside of the barn was huge and filled with all kinds of contraptions…..things I'd never seen before but had read about…….hooks, pulleys and rings hung from the rafters and big eye bolts stuck up out of the floor and the walls. There were saw horses, some padded and some not, padded posts, benches and tables. I saw several big crosses and even a stainless steel medical examination table. A raised platform that made me think of a stage of some sort. In front of it were rows of chairs where an audience might be seated. There was like…um….well like a whole bathroom. It was not enclosed though and the tub, toilet and all were exposed. Spotlights were everywhere in the ceiling and one turned on me when I stepped into the room. Master James stepped back through the same door that I'd just come through. I stood there, waiting and taking in these frightening surroundings when, suddenly, my arm was grabbed and I was jerked back into the changing room.

"On your knees, girl," He almost screamed it. "You filthy slut, is this how you think you can leave your filthy slut mess?"

"W...w...what, Sir? I don't understand?"

He was pointing at my clothes on the bench but I didn't understand what I had done wrong. He gave me this big hairy lecture about how clothes are a privilege and that it took a Master's hard earned money to keep me in clothes and that they were always to be folded neatly when I wasn't wearing them.

"You will be punished for this and for raising your eyes to me and for speaking. You just earned yourself three lashes of my belt. Now you crawl back out there and you do it NOW!"

I started crawling fast as I could back out the door. Master James followed me, nudging me to go faster with the toe of his boot. He directed me to a small padded bench that was just a foot tall. He told me to lay over it face down and spread my legs. I could already feel the tears on my face as I lay over the bench. With his boot he kept kicking side to side between my legs until they were wide open. I laid there, shaking….trying to hold in the sobs…waiting for what would happen next. I heard him unbuckling his belt and heard it slipping out of the belt loops of his jeans…..for a moment my mind just went blank.

"Tell me why you are being punished.....Answer me, girl! That's one extra lash for the delay."

"Um…b…because I didn't fold my clothes….." I finally stammered out an answer, half crying, "and um….. because I looked at you… and because I spoke without asking permission."

"At least you're not stupid. There may be hope for you." He said. "Each and every time that you're punished, you will count every swat out loud and thank the Master that he sees fit to correct you. Then you must ask for the next swat. Understand, girl? If you hesitate in the least or forget then the punishment starts from the beginning again."

Before I could even respond he brought the belt down hard over my ass.

"One…..aghhhh, Master James, thank you. Pleeaasse may I have another?"

Oh my god, the next one hurt even worse. It was on the back of my thighs and .the sting….the pain, took my breath away.

"Twooooooo…..thank You, Master James, aghhhh pleaseee may I have another?"

By the time I'd taken all four my whole ass was red and on fire and I had that one huge welt on the backs of my thighs. I was ashamed to be crying but I couldn't help it. I wanted to say I was sorry but was too afraid to speak. He told me to stand up and get over to that platform and present myself for inspection to him and I did. I hurried because he still had that belt in his hand. It was then that I noticed Master Michael and Master Robert standing off to one side watching and talking. I couldn't hear what they were discussing and had only time for a quick glance. I couldn't risk being seen looking at them.

I dropped down to my knees as gently as I could….the muscles in my thighs and my ass were screaming. I tried to remember everything I had been taught about the

presenting position…….knees spread apart the width of my shoulders, back straight with a slight arch, head held high, eyes lowered….chest thrusting out….and my palms upturned in a gesture of submission, one resting on the top of each thigh…..god so much to remember. The three of them started walking in slow circles around me. Master Michael was the first to speak.

"Not too bad, girl."

He bent down and took one of my nipple rings in his fingers. He lifted and twisted it, holding my breast suspended for a moment before letting it drop. At the same time Master James was behind me, running the palm of his hand down my back and then over the welts on my ass. Fingers slid down inside the crack of my ass and began circling, pressing into my anus………no lube…..god it hurt and I whimpered. He told the others that my Dom wanted my hole to be used and kept filled.

"Damn shame. I love tight ass like that." Master Robert said.

"Too tight to be of any real use," Master James disagreed, "but we'll fix that."

Master Michael squatted down right in front of me and without any warning at all he slipped two thick fingers straight into my cunt. My body flinched and I didn't hold the position. He kept his fingers inside me, twisting and turning and fucking them in and out while the other two pulled me back into position. A stiff training collar was placed on my neck and they put leather cuffs on both my wrists, too. The cuffs were attached to rings on each side of the collar which pulled my shoulders back. Master Robert fastened small chains to my nipple rings and fastened them to the front of the collar…..they were too short and tugged my nipples up. Master Michael thrust his fingers deep into my cunt one last time and pulled them out and held them up right in front of my face. They were slick and wet and I could smell my own sex on them. He wiped them off on my face.

"Clean my fingers."

I did. I licked them clean.

"Good girl."

I was actually happy when he patted me on the head.

"It's time you got your first taste of real discipline, girl. We will start every session with some kind of discipline." Master James said.

His voice was chatty, almost friendly, and his hand was stroking over my back and my ass. Right then I needed that and I had to fight to keep from swaying back to his hand. He explained that this wasn't punishment but that it wouldn't be pleasant and might even be painful. The purpose of discipline was to teach me my place. To remind me of just who I was and of who the Master was. Discipline was given for Master's pleasure and for the submissive's as well. It gave the one seeking to please the opportunity to show how much she was willing to take and to endure to please. A Master often gave discipline for no other reason than that he could. It was an exercise in power, of giving and taking. It was also an opportunity to mark the submissive if that was the Master's desire.

All this I was told as Master Michael and Master Robert were lifting me up to my feet. I was guided slowly forward while Master James talked, until I was face to face with the huge St. Andrew's cross.

They uncuffed each of my wrists and stretched my arms wide to the side at shoulder height and then they were fastened again to the cross. Master Robert put ankle cuffs on me and I was ordered to spread my feet wide apart. There were large eye bolts in the floor that they fastened the cuffs to. I was helpless and naked and scared half to death. The thought ran through my head they could kill me. They could do anything they wished to me. I was at their mercy and I started crying again silently. The tears were streaming and I couldn't stop them. I was shaking so badly that the vibration caused the cuffs to rattle where they were clipped to the cross. The three men stepped back and Master James said,

"Slut, prepare yourself for your discipline."

Someone stepped up behind me again. I couldn't see who but I felt a strong body pressing tight to me. A hand lifted my hair up off my neck and I felt warm breath, soft lips on the back of my neck at the top of the collar. More kisses and licks were followed by a gentle biting at the base of my neck and along my shoulders. The hand followed my spine down to my ass and traced the pattern of welts that still burned. The mouth returned to the base of my left ear lobe and teased and I knew it was Master Michael then. I knew his scent. I knew his voice.

"Don't be afraid little one. Trust me and let yourself come with me. I'm going to take you someplace that you've never been." He whispered. "Take what I'm going to give you. Find pleasure in it. It's my gift to you. Remember, trust me."

He stepped back. I whimpered and felt the loss when his heat… his mouth… his hands left my body. I was ashamed that I could feel the warm flow of my need oozing from my cunt and felt a tightening deep in my belly. I was embarrassed at the heat within me and hoped they would not notice.

My eyes were squeezed tightly shut and my body tensed as I waited for the first strike. Instead I felt the softest touch and the most exquisite stroking. It was Master Michael with what I found out later was a kind of flogger called a rabbit tail. It caressed down my back and out over each stretched out arm. It ran down my legs to my ankles and up the insides of my thighs. It teased my cunt and continued up through my tight ass crack. The stroking and the teasing went on forever. In random patterns, the sensation traveled over my body. Here and then there, until I drifted into a state of total relaxation. Craving the touch, I found myself making little whimpering sounds of pleasure. I was surprised that those sounds were coming from me and that none of the Masters seemed to mind. By then, each time the flogger was trailed up between my legs, it came away wet with the juices its touch was exciting from me.

The touch changed to light taps. Little, light stinging taps in all those same places. On my arms, my shoulders and back. On my burning ass and my thighs and down my legs. My body was enveloped in warmth as the flogger's sharp kisses reddened me. Warm, so warm! I found that I was moaning.

"Yessssssss. Ohhhh, yessssssss."

My body was moving, straining at its bonds as to reach the sweet, stinging heat. My knees had become so weak that it was hard to stand up. My fingers curled over the cuffs as the nature of the flogger's touch again changed. The taps became definite lashes. I could feel thin suede leather straps then. There was a rhythm to it and as each lash burned into me an incredible heat was generated. I wanted more of it.

He gave it to me. At the last it was real pain. The leather kisses had become fiery. Each one burned deep into my muscles. I was red hot all over. I was burning alive. I was so deep inside myself that I was there and yet I wasn't. I was filled with Master Michael and the power of his astonishing hot touch. I wanted it to go on forever… until there was nothing left of me.

Gentle hands released me and strong arms held me up. Master Robert and Master James carried me to a narrow padded table. Kind words, nice words flowed into my ears.

"Good girl, good slut."

There were soft touches and stroking hands caressing my hair. Master Robert held a glass to my lips.

"Drink, girl." He said.

When I woke up, it was to hands touching me. Master James' hands and Master Robert's big black hands were everywhere at once. They teased my nipples to aching hardness. Fingers slipped in and out of my cunt again. My legs willingly parted, arching up off the table when fingers found my throbbing clit and stroked over it. More cunt juice was wiped on my body. More fingers with the slick taste of my sex clinging to them were presented to be licked clean.

I was pulled to my feet again and bent forward. My wrists were secured to the legs of the table on one side and my ankles cuffed to the table legs on the other side. I heard a door open and the footsteps and voices of men and women approached. I struggled and tugged but the cuffs held me tight. I was so embarrassed to be seen like this. So wide open with my body betraying me. Still hot from the touching and stroking the Masters had given me. Hands were everywhere on my body again. They touched, tugged and twisted my rock hard, aching nipples. Hands kneaded my ass cheeks. My whimpers of pain and moans of pleasure so mixed that I could no longer distinguish between them. Fingers probed my tight ass-ring. They slipped up through my slit, teasing my clit. My confused body tried first to grind down onto the fingers in my cunt and then lifted itself to encourage the fingers in my ass.

"Unnnghh, yessssssss."

A thick, long rubber dildo was worked deep in my cunt, my inner muscles sucked and squeezed down on it.

"Good girl, good girl."

All those hands kept touching me, big hands, small hands, rough hands and soft ones. Slender fingers with long painted nails squeezed, pinched and tugged my nipples.

"The slut needs a plug in this tight little ass."

I groaned out loud at these words from a strange voice. I flinched and clenched my cheeks hard at the cool touch of the lube. A slick finger circled my rim and then began slipping in and out. I felt more lube and again the finger, in and out, fucking, curling, stretching, and forcing all that lube in. I moaned at the touch of the plug's hard tip, burning as it was slowly twisted and fucked into my ass. The sound of my gasp was loud in my ear when my sphincter gave way and my ass sucked it all the way in. I felt so filled, so stuffed. I was squirming, grinding, clenching down hard as I could.

Then a hand twisted tight in my hair and my head was lifted up. I was looking straight at the groin of a man. He stepped closer and I registered tan slacks, a brown belt, and clean manicured man-fingers unzipping the fly. A soft flaccid cock was pulled out and held to my lips.

A leather crop bit into my left ass cheek. I jerked forward to escape it bumping my face into the cock.

"Take the cock in your mouth, girl," Master James' voice said from behind me.

I opened my mouth and took the soft salty cock in. One more stinging lash but my cry was muffled as I sucked and licked. The cock grew hard and pressed back on my tongue till I gagged from it. The man's hands in my hair held my head tight to his thrusting hips. I heard his groans as I worked to take the cock tip pushing deep in my throat. I struggled to breathe, gasping each time he pulled back a little. My mouth became slick with the precum as the rhythm of his slow, deep strokes continued.

"Oh you cunt. You sweet whore. That's it, that's it. Suck me you bitch."

The strokes became short quick thrusting jabs. I took every inch in my throat and I knew, oh God yes, I knew he was about to cum. Those big, soft balls lifted up and I actually felt the force of the cum pumping up through the thick cock and exploding deep in my throat on his final hard thrust. I was held tight to him, swallowing, nearly choking on the volume of it. He finally let go and pulled out. One thick string of cum hung there from the tip of his cock to my lip and then the fragile connection broke as he stepped back. Cum dripped and oozed down my chin as another man stepped up. One hot strike of the crop on my inner thigh and I groaned and opened my mouth again. I took the new cock inside and was in heaven with the thick shaft pumping into me, twisting, screwing deep into my throat. Hands began fucking the dildo and butt plug in and out of my holes and I heard Master James' voice in my ear.

"Cum, bitch. Cum, girl."

I did. And as I was coming so hard, sweet Jesus, the cock in my mouth poured its thick gooey seed down my throat.

They left me like that, dripping cum from my chin, with the dildo stuffed up my cunt and the plug still deep in my ass. I didn't care… I was floating.

Some time later, Master Robert returned and eased the plug out and then the dildo. I shuddered as they were pulled from me. He laughed and told me I was wrong if I thought I was going to get any more that evening. He unsnapped the cuffs and helped me to my feet.

"Get dressed and go home, girl, and be proud of those marks."

He led me back to the little room where my clothes were, where it all started. It was a different girl who came back to those clothes and it was like …..Well, it was like my life up till then had been a black and white photo that was now suddenly in color. I understood then….I had to do this for ME.

Retrospective

There were aspects of what I was doing that bothered me. My introduction to the sessions that Monday evening had left me drained. I felt listless the following day. Even the simplest of chores seemed to require a great effort. I was very aware of the clock in my kitchen, of the hours slipping past as Wednesday and the second session bore down on me. The single day betwen these ordeals I faced seemed completely inadequate. I knew I would have to find the strength somewhere within me to survive Wednesday night. To get past it to the blessed rest and relief of the four painless days and nights that would follow it.

Other thoughts intruded as well. When I had first met the man I now called Master, I had been fascinated. He had a pressence I had never before encountered. That he was older than I had bothered me initially but I soon found that his vitality was hard to keep up with. In fact, as I shared his energy and looked back on the younger men I had lived with, I realized how dull and aimless they had been.

He was also the first skilled lover to enter my life. I was by no means a virgin and yet with several relationships behind me, it was with him that I experienced my first crashing orgasm. My toes had curled until I had sworn they would crack and I had come so hard that I pissed myself.

He had unlocked a wantoness in me. I came to look forward to the new sensations he was introducing me to. When he began to demand small acts of obeisance in trade for the pleasures I craved, I was only to willing to act out my part in what seemed a sexy, little game. It was fun to pretend to beg for his touch and I enjoyed the provocative poses he asked me to assume.

We were in the Farmer's Market, buying fresh goodies for the salads we both loved, when I crossed the line. When I let him make me do something against my will. All morning he had been surrepticiously tugging at my nipples through my top and fondling my ass. Occasionally he would lean in and lick my thoat or nibble at my earlobe. I became impatient with the marketing as his touches warmed me and I grew wet. I had finally told him how aroused I was and asked him to get us home and into bed. He'd taken my ear in his teeth and bit down, whispering that he was not yet ready to leave. I'd begged him, only to have him shake his head and frustrate me further. Then he'd pulled me close and traced the crotch of my jeans with his fingertip.I had become such a sexual creature with him that even so mere a touch flooded me with anticipation of the things he could make me feel when he chose to. In desperation I had told him that I had to use the toilet. He'd given me his brightest smile then and fastened his eyes on mine.

"You are seriously dying to get home and fuck and you also need to pee?" he'd asked.

"Both. Desperately!" I'd replied, relieved that he was relenting.

"Piss yourself. Right now where you are standing and then we'll go." He'd said.

I remember looking at him in consternation. I had just known he couldn't be serious but he had just held me locked with his eyes. I felt like walking away then. Just leaving him standing there with his bag of spinach and cucumbers and radishes. Instead, completely against my will, I had relaxed my bladder and pissed myself. The tears that began pouring down my red face were hotter than the warm urine that had soaked my jeans and thighs. He had taken my hand then and led me, stained and crying, though the market throng to the parking lot.

When we'd arrived home he bathed me and took me to bed. I lost count of the number of times I came that night. In the days and nights that followed I often masturbated while reliving the feeling I'd had as I was being led through that crowd of staring eyes.

That was when it had really begun. This deep desire of mine for domination and humiliation. At the time, I had been sure that I loved the man who came to call Sir. Then I began to love him because he was my master. .

As I thought of the session that was drawing nearer with every sweep of the clock's hand, I knew that as much as I dreaded the pain, there was a part of me that lusted for the other half of the experience. Everytime I thought of the shame and humiliation that would be waiting for me my cunt began to leak.

Second Training Session.

So many thoughts ran through my head as I unpacked the enema bag and stared at the thick nozzle. This time I spread two towels on the floor. It's a porcelain tile floor and it's cold. I hate cold. I dreaded the enema process, yet I knew I had no choice. If this intimate ordeal was horrid in the privacy of my own bathroom….it would be unbearable to have it done to me once I arrived at the farm…….some choice.

I had given my consent though and had known of this requirement from the very beginning. It was uglier and more painful than I had imagined it would be. Even though some deep, dark part of me wanted and needed to be used and controlled, I hadn't accepted or come to terms with this part of my conditioning.

Later, when I sat down to my journal, I decided to skip over another description of the enema process. It was just too awful and distasteful and just…….just…..I couldn't find the words to express the humiliation I felt when I did this to myself. It was like everyone KNEW what was going on in my bathroom when I………God, it made it hard to face them….knowing that they knew what I had just finished doing to myself.

This time I arrived at the farm with time to spare. I was bathed, shaven smooth, thoroughly cleaned inside and out… but again…like the first time, I had to sit in the car for a few minutes, gathering my strength and courage. I took slow, deep, calming breaths. My back, ass and upper thighs were still red and striped from the discipline on Monday. I was not sore and hot to the touch anymore, still, I was praying that I wouldn't be flogged or punished again on my backside. As before, Master James met me just inside the door and this time I lowered my eyes immediately and kept them glued to the floor.

"It goes well with you, girl?"

I wasn't sure what he meant by that but assumed he was asking me how I was.

"I'm fine, Master James, I hope it goes well with you."

I was thinking to myself they have a funny way of talking around here for being in Minna-sooota and fighting the urge to laugh. I brought myself up short, feeling guilty for this urge to be sarcastic. It was smart-assed and disrespectful. Somehow, it seemed that Master James had read my thoughts. His voice became colder and his tone sharper.

"Take your clothes off, girl and present yourself to us for inspection."

This time I folded my clothes in neat piles and without being told as soon as I entered the dungeon I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled to the platform. The three of them were there, seated and waiting. I took the presenting position in front of Master Robert, as he was seated in the middle. They let me kneel there for several long minutes with no one saying a word. My knees were aching after a minute or two. The wooden floor was hard and I could feel the start of a cramp in my thigh. 'Oh, no. Please, no.' I was praying it would not happen as I had to be still.

Master Robert got up first and curled his hand in my hair. He pulled my head back, my face up.

"Open your mouth up wide, girl. Did you clean all that cum outta your mouth?"

He bent his face close to mine and peered into my mouth. He held out two of his big fingers.

"Suck."

I leaned toward him and took his fingers into my mouth. I ran my tongue between them. I sucked, making little soft sucking noises as I rocked forward and back. I sucked as if his fingers were a fat cock I was striving to please.

"Yessss" I moaned through my stuffed mouth.

He grunted his approval and slipped his fingers out. For once he hadn't criticized me. Master James took his place. His hands cupped my breasts and his thumbs teased my nipples. They quickly filled to his touch and he SQUEEZED. My body jerked out of position but they seemed merely to enjoy the evidence of my discomfit. His one hand kept tugging and pinching my right nipple while his other hand cupped my cunt. I was wet. Nipple play makes me so wet. His fingers slipped up through my slit and inside. Again, I was commanded by a single word.

"Suck."

I tried my best to make a mouth of my cunt. My hips started moving, rocking, grinding down onto his fingers. I strove to clasp the fingers with my inner muscles.

"That's it, slut, prove that your cunt wants to be fucked."

His other hand was twisting the ring on my nipple and the hurt felt good. My cunt squeezed his fingers. Squeezed down, then relaxed and sucked at them. There were wet slurping sounds when he started fucking them in and out of me. The length of his thumb was rubbing my clit. I groaned when my hot cream started to flow over his hand. He pulled out. I was left aching and gasping, one second from cumming. Before he got up, he wiped his fingers on my face and slipped them in my mouth. I had to suck and clean them despite the fact that they had denied me my cum.

"Good girl. Such a good slut you are."

All this praise was so different from that first night. I knelt there, gasping and flushed from the need of my body following my near orgasm. It was embarrassing to be there on my knees, panting, like an animal in heat.

Master Michael circled me and then stopped behind me. He put his hand on the back of my collarless neck and began pushing me forward. He said he was showing me a new kneeling position and that from now on when I was told to present my ass, this was the position I'd be expected to adopt. My knees were already spread the required shoulder width apart and as he pushed me forward he turned my head to the left and pressed my cheek to the floor. He told me to put my arms straight out ahead of me as if begging for Master's attention and to keep my ass raised up high in the air.

In this position I could feel the draft of air in the room flowing over my ass and wet cunt. I felt so wide open, so exposed and so vulnerable that even with all that had gone before, I felt myself blushing. There was nothing hidden from view and Master Michael began rubbing his hand over my ass cheeks as if inspecting the marks that were still there from his flogging two days ago.

"You mark well, girl, did it make you feel proud to wear these marks of mine?"

"Yes, Master Michael." I whispered.

In that moment I realized I was speaking the truth. I must have looked at my ass and my back and my thighs a hundred times in the mirror. Each time I did feel a sense of awe and pride that I had been able to endure it and that he had worked so hard to mark me in such a beautiful way. The marks were criss-crossed and as perfectly laid on my skin as if an artist had carefully painted them on. They were not random but created a pattern that was striking each time that I looked at it. Not only that but each time I looked it reminded me of why they were there, of what they represented. That I was a slut whose sole purpose was to please through submission and obedience.

His fingers began stroking and teasing back and forth over my dark, puckered hole. On every third or fourth stroke slipping much farther forward gently up through my swollen labia. So far each of the Masters had been very cand rocking and pressing into Master Michael's fingers. I felt something cool and slick being massaged all around my anal ring and then his finger began pressing into me. He began working the slick lube into my hole. More lube and a little more of his finger each time. I groaned and pressed back. With his whole finger in, I clenched down on it. He wiggled it, curled it, twisted it, keeping it deep inside me until he felt me relax. The finger was removed only to be quickly replaced by the tip of a plug. Softer but bigger than the one I had experienced during my first session.

"Aghhhh."

I moaned as it pressed in past the ring of tight muscle. As it was worked into me, I realized that it was in the shape of a cock. He held it half way in for a moment and then began gently fucking it in and back out. He continued until the ache and the burn went away. All at once, with one push, it was all the way in me, buried deep. I felt searing a heat as it stretched and filled my tunnel. My body was rocking, my ass wiggling and my hips moving in circles. Involuntarily, I tried to expel it but it was in deep. It fitted so tightly that it was there to stay until he removed it. Gradually the burning again faded but the aching fullness remained. Master Mark wiped his hands on my ass cheeks and gave me a sharp smack on my right cheek with his hand before he got up.

"Good girl." He said, "You're a good little ass slut."

(I wonder, as I write this, that so early in my training such praise from him made me feel so proud and good.)

It was then that Master James asked me if I wished to speak freely about anything. Did I have any concerns? Had I anything to confess? There I was, on my knees, with my cheek pressed to the boards and my stuffed ass in the air. There I was, with my sweaty body shaking from need and suddenly I was forced to wrench my mind from the haze of lust it had slipped into. My gut clenched because I did have something to tell him. I had failed to record the first session in my journal. Several factors had contributed to my lapse. The long hours I'd worked, the fatigue, my worry over this training and the fact that I'd had a cold and just felt rotten. Still, I had no really valid excuse. Just a bunch of little ones and the truth was that I'd had the time but just didn't want to. I hadn't wanted to relive my ordeal by setting it down on paper. I had confessed to my Dom already and received punishment from him. He had instructed me to catch up the journal by the weekend and to wear clover clamps on my nipples and clit while I made the entries. I was to write an entry admitting the real reason I had allowed the journal to slip behind. He had also instructed me to inform Master James of my failure.

"Yes, please, Master James, may I be allowed to speak freely?"

I was still presenting my ass, very open and vulnerable. It was frightening to be making a confession in such a helpless position.

"Yes, girl, permission granted. You may speak."

I couldn't help it, my voice started shaking.

"Sir, I haven't been faithful in keeping up with my journal as both you and Sir told me to do."

There was a silence and then he asked if I could offer good reason. I knew that my excuses were feeble at best and that offering them would likely bring me more trouble. It might have seemed that I was not taking responsibility for what I'd done

"No Sir, Master James I have no good excuse." I finally whispered.

"It is good that you have told me. Your honesty builds my trust in you. You still must be punished though. Prepare yourself mentally to take it and it will go better."

I closed my eyes tight in acceptance and tried not to let him see my fear. He stepped behind me and trailed something that felt like leather of some kind down my back.

"How many days is it that you have let your journal fall behind?"

I counted 5 days in my mind.

"Five days, Master James."

"Then you will receive five lashes on your inner thighs with my crop. One for each day and one more for disobeying me and one beyond that for disobeying your Dom. Spread yourself wider and count as you have been told. Girl you will learn that your only choice is to obey and the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be on you."

With that he stepped back and I spread my knees as wide apart as I could. My hips ached with the strain as I waited with closed eyes. Tense and filled with fear and dread. When the first strike came, it came hard and I heard the crop displace the air an instant before I felt it. I screamed out with the pain. It was the worst yet. It bit into the softest part of my inner thigh, near my cunt. My body jerked forward and my eyes welled up.

"One……aghhhh! Thank you, Master James. Please give me another." I forced the words from myself.

The second stroke came and then the third, so hard, so fucking hard that I thought I would die with the pain. They were all delivered on the same thigh, the left one, it was beyond agony. The last four came on my right thigh. A searing, burning, pain beyond pain. Although I was thanking him, counting the strokes and asking for more, my words were meaningless sounds in my mind.

Later, as I wrote of this in my journal, my inner thighs were so raw and welted that I sat with spread legs and could wear no clothes lest the material touch me. I cried just trying to rub lotion into them to soothe them.

"Remember this lesson," was all that he said.

It was strange; it was almost as if there was sadness in him when he said it. There was a deep sadness in me also. I felt unworthy for having been so lazy and willful regarding my journals. I was sorry, so sorry. I wanted to do better. I wanted to please these men and Sir. I want to be proud of who I am.

They allowed me to rest for a few minutes like that and then I was helped up to my knees by Master Michael and given cool water to drink. My voice was still hoarse and raspy from laryngitis and my past week's cold. Twice Master Michael asked me if I was ok or if I felt ill. He even put his hand on my forehead once, as if to check for a fever. It was an insignificant gesture and yet to me it made me feel that they really did care.

"If you feel ill we will not continue." He said

Suddenly, I had a choice. A temporary reprieve if I chose to take it. It made it all the harder for me to stay and endure. The weak me wanted desperately to take the out I was being offered but in the end it was the needy me that finally answered.

"No, Master Michael. Thank you, I'm really ok."

"Are you prepared to receive your discipline, girl?"

I nodded and was helped to my feet and led to the far wall. Walking was hard with the larger plug inside my ass and the angry red welts on my thighs burning. I was forced to move in an ugly embarrassing waddle to ease the hurt.

When we reached the wall, Master Michael backed me up against it and told me to present my wrists to him to be cuffed. With my eyes lowered, I held my arms out in front of me and watched as he placed leather cuffs on each wrist. One at a time he stretched my arms out to the side and fastened the cuffs to big heavy rings mounted into the wall above me. My shoulders ached with the strain. My arms were stretched very tight and I was lifted up almost onto my tiptoes. It gave an uncomfortable arch to my back and my chest was thrust out more than normal. He knelt down in front of me and attached ankle cuffs to each ankle and one at a time moved each leg wide to the side and attached the cuffs to large rings near the floor. His large hands with their thick fingers were gentle as they secured me. The mix of power and gentleness in his touch somehow calmed me. As he stood up his hands caressed up my body. The mere grazing of his fingers over the welts on my inner thighs drew a groan from me before I could stop it. I made a guttural noise when his finger moved up thru my slit, stopping to make a small circle over my hard, hungry clit. With eyes still lowered I watched his hand move over the flat of my belly and felt a tightening deep inside when he touched me there. Both hands were on me then, cupping under each breast and lifting them as if weighing them, squeezing and kneading them. His huge thumbs teased my nipples at the base of my rings. My head went back to the wall and I arched out as much as I could when he lowered his head and began sucking each one.

"Ohhhh godddddddd, Master Michael."

I was panting as he moved from one to the other and back sucking and licking and gently biting. Then it became a slow steady suction, his mouth wide open,

almost engulfing my whole breast. He was intent upon the left one at first. Working it, sucking it harder and harder till the nipple felt huge. When he pulled away my breast was shiny and wet from his mouth. He moved to the right one, repeating the process, all the while still pinching and tugging the left nipple with his right hand. My moans became continuous, my ass ground back hard to the wall and I thrust my chest out to him till my shoulders were screaming from the stress.

Just as quickly as it all started it stopped. He stepped back and Master James moved to me, bringing one hand up to cup my right breast, and before it registered what he had in his hand, he had closed a clover clamp over my nipple. It bit in with more pleasure than pain. Next he clamped the right one. He reached behind him and pulled a strip of material out of his pocket. He tied it over my eyes and my world became a black velvet darkness.

"No, please…"

There was no reply. I felt unbalanced in the dark and I pressed back to the security of the wall.

"Ahhhhhhhh."

Someone was hanging weights from the clamps and now they were biting in harder and tugging my breasts down. My frantic twitching only served to further stretch my poor nipples and increase my pain. Every nerve in my body seemed centered in my abused nipples. Master James was still there. I smelled him and felt the heat from his body. At last the numbness set in and there was some relief. It was short lived. He must have sensed my relief. He flicked the weights or tugged on the clamps and the agony started allover again.

Then I felt the strikes, light taps at first, stinging taps on my nipples of each tortured, hot breast. Leather, it was leather again, strands of it, smacking, striking down over each breast. This was torture, agony; the leather came down harder faster, again and again. The weights were swinging and pulling the clamps which bit so hard it seemed they would cut through my nipples. I screamed and then begged and pleaded.

"Unnnnghhh. No more pleaseeeeeeeee. I can't take anymore."

But it didn't stop, there was no easing up and I was bucking and thrashing. I strained futilely against the thick rings holding me to the wall. Then the voice, Master James' voice, filtered through the red haze of my agony.

"Accept it, slut, go with the pain. Welcome the gift of your discipline."

It went on and on, till my breasts felt like they were being whipped and pulled off my chest.

Then something changed. After that it got misty. It was like I was in some other place. A place with cool breezes, a cool soothing ocean. I was flying, drifting, soaring, so warm and so free. Maybe I fainted, I couldn't be sure but the next thing I was really aware of, was my mouth being opened and something that felt like a round plastic ball being pushed back onto my tongue. I felt it being fastened behind my head.

"We are leaving you here, girl, to think about who you are."

Footsteps disappearing, fleeting panic, brief struggle, then blessed total acceptance. Giving up, giving in, welcoming the heat, the gift of the pain. It was like I was outside looking in on myself, seeing so clearly the woman I could become. My breasts were throbbing with every beat of my heart. My ass felt on fire, as if the plug had expanded inside me. My thighs burned even hotter as my slippery juices and sweat oozed over them, heating the welts up even more. So alive…I felt so incredibly alive. I knew with crystal clarity that these sensations were the lesson. A voice within chanted to me… accept it, welcome it, see who you are, acknowledge the beauty and the power of your submission. There is no greater purpose than serving, than giving pleasure, than offering up every wonderful, special part of your being, heart, body, mind and soul, as a gift to be cherished and used, no greater purpose than pleasing.

Time passed but I was not aware of its passing. I felt hands removing the gag, then the weights and the clamps. Vivid flashes of white hot pain in my unseeing eyes as the blood filled my nipples again, shocking me from my trance. At last the blindfold came off, it was Master James and he cupped my chin in his hand, while my eyes struggled to focus.

"You may look at me, girl…. Who are you?... Answer me!"

His eyes are deep green, like my own and I looked into them, searching for myself in their reflection. Held by his dark, unwavering gaze, I answered him from my heart.

"I am a submissive. I am a slut, to be used."

My heart filled with the deepest joy when the trace of a smile passed over his face. I saw his approval in the way his eyes lightened and his gaze relaxed.

Once again a cool glass of water was held to my lips and I drank and drank till the big glass was nearly empty. Master Robert and Master James released the wrist and ankle cuffs. They lifted me between them and carried me to a wide padded table and laid me on it. Master Robert eased a soft pillow under my head. I winced when he brushed over my nipples and gave my rings a gentle tug. The cuffs were still on me and once again my arms were secured to the sides of the table. Looking up there was a track in the ceiling with three pulleys spaced evenly over the table, and Master Mark stepped up to my feet and began lowering ropes. He held a thick metal bar with rings on each end to which he attached the ankle cuffs. This spread my legs wide apart again. He slipped the big hook at the end of the rope over the bar and began raising my legs up off the table. Higher and higher till my legs were straight up and my ass was lifted up off the table.

"Time for you endure the fire and ice, girl." Master Michael said.

My heart nearly stopped beating. I knew what that meant and I opened my mouth to beg but his look stopped me cold. My thoughts were racing and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I hate ice. I hate being cold. It was one of the limits I had set and they knew that. How could they do this? I thought that was the purpose of filling out the check list they had given me at the very beginning. I felt the anger welling up in me. I felt betrayed after thinking I could trust them not to force me beyond the limits we had set. It had been hard enough to go as far as I had. The longer I lay there, watching the three of them gather equipment, thick candles, lighters and a whole cooler filled with ice, the more angry I became. The words poured out of me,

"You bastards! Let me up! Untie me right now. I want out of here! This isn't fair. You promised when we did the check list. I told you I wouldn't do this! LET ME GO!"

This was a deal breaker. It wasn't fair. All those floating feelings of sweet submission were gone in the flash of my anger. Struggling and yanking at the cuffs, I clamped my mouth shut when Master Robert pressed the ball gag to my mouth again. The bastard pinched my nose shut and no matter how I tossed my head side to side he didn't let go. The second my mouth opened to gasp for air, that awful gag went into my mouth, and I was FURIOUS because he was laughing. They were all laughing.

"That shut the bitch up," He said to Master James.

He leaned over me and put his face just inches from mine.

"Girl, when we're finished your sweet ass is gonna feel the palm of my hand. Now you just think about that before you EVER call any of us a bastard again."

His hand closed over my breast and he squeezed hard. I wanted to scream. He meant it to hurt and it did. God, it did. Even with all the anger it was obvious that there was no use in struggling. All I was succeeding in doing was making it worse for myself. All the fight just went out of me and I sank back down on the table, resigned, knowing that if they wanted it, it would happen. I would be better off preparing myself than dwelling on the injustice of it.

I closed my eyes and tried to take my mind to a place of acceptance. My eyes flew open though when I felt the cock plug being pulled out of my ass. It came out with a wet, slurping sound against the suction of my clenching muscles. My groan was muffled behind the fat gag and my jaw ached from being held open. My tight hole didn't feel very tight anymore. It felt very open. Master Michael had his finger in my hole, slipping in and out easily now. I heard the clinking of ice and he began slipping ice into my gaping anus. One, then two, three, four, five, round balls of ice down into my raised ass. Oh sweet holy Christ. I was freezing inside and my gut was clutching and clenching. My suspended ass bucked in the air above the table. My frantic movements only caused the melting ice to slide deeper. He slipped two more in and the freezing cold was turning into fire as it froze me inside. Because of the angle of my body, with my legs lifted up, the cold water from the melting ice flowed down through my belly. It was an ice water enema, the cramping was starting. Master Michael was massaging my labia and my clit, with chunks of the ice. Having packed my ass, Master Robert began rubbing a ball of it over my nipples. Master James had been lighting a tray of many colored candles. He picked up a red one. Master Michael spread more ice up thru my labia. He started pushing them deep into my cunt, one at a time, working them in deep with two fingers. I lost count of how many, all I know is that I felt full. I was completely stuffed with nuggets of freezing cold. The burning sensation started and grew until it was deep in my womb.

"Aghhhh,"

I bucked up as the first drop of burning hot wax splashed on my nipple. It felt hotter than it was in contrast to the extreme cold within me. How I wished now that I had opted out when they had offered me the chance. One drop after the other dripped over my breasts. He kept changing candles, first one color and then another. Painting me with the molten wax. Holding them closer, then higher, warm and then hotter and then searing heat. Having iced down my cunt, Master Michael picked up a candle and let the wax drip on my clit. He covered my swollen pale labia, my belly, and my bare mound. He let it drip over my sore open hole until it was sealed off with a puddle of wax. Six hands, six big hands touched, squeezed and stroked my body. They pinched rock hard, sore nipples and teased my hard, swollen clit. Their fingers fucked in and out of my freezing cold cunt and ass. The cold water was so deep in me that I had become a frozen core wrapped in blazing skin. The tip of a vibrating dildo was held right on my clit for a moment and then it slid deep in my cunt. Back it came and again it attacked my clit. Hands were massaging my belly, smearing it with my juices, my slut cream and ice water. In and out, the fucking motion of the dildo vibrated the ice in my body. Against my will, the being within me had begun to respond to the powerful stimuli attacking my senses from every direction. My clit swelled and I found myself straining up to the fat dildo. There was no stopping it; I was hung on the edge momentarily and then toppled over into an orgasmic abyss. Cumming, cumming, freezing and burning, half of me a chilled puddle and the other half a pile of ashes. Master Michael held the tip of the dildo right there on my clit vibrating the whole time I was cumming and it became the sweetest most exquisite agony. Drained, I hung there with my collapsed weight on my shoulders. Before he lowered my legs, Master Michael worked the cock plug back into my ass again. I was just conscious enough to be grateful that with it in me, I would at least be spared the humiliation of an accident.

The gag was removed on the condition that I didn't speak the rest of the night unless spoken to. My body was lowered back to the table and the cuffs taken off. The cold water ran out of my cunt and pooled underneath me in a cold puddle. As the ice had melted, the numbness was leaving and to be replaced by a hot stinging as my body slowly warmed.

Master Robert pulled up a chair close to the table and sat down on it.

"Girl, I think we have a date. Get your ass down here and lay over my lap."

I was exhausted from the long ordeal and from cumming so hard. The pain I had endured and emotional roller coaster I'd been forced to ride had left me so weak that it was all I could do to get up off the table.

"On your knees, girl, and crawl to me like the slut that you are," Master Robert demanded.

When my feet hit the floor, I eased down to my knees with every muscle aching. I crawled to him, pressed my cheek to the floor and lifted my ass without being told. He let me stay there like that for a long minute and then said,

"Over my lap."

He guided me into position over his meaty thighs. The tips of my toes just touched the floor and my head hung down. His hands parted my thighs till my ass was exposed and wide open to him.

"Tell me why you are being punished again."

My voice was flat, there was no emotion left in me,

"Because my words were disrespectful. Because I disobeyed and because I was angry."

"There will be no need to count. I don't want to hear one sound from your mouth until I tell you to speak."

His big hand started coming down hard on my cheeks. Loud slaps and smacks that echoed all through the barn. Each one was leveled with force, one after the other. His hand arcing up and coming down hard. I was choking back my cries. I could feel every one of his handprints. He would come down over and over in one place before moving on to another, till my whole ass was covered. Every so often he came down hard right on the plug slamming it deeper in my ass and sending new tongues of fire through me. Finally it stopped. He was panting from the effort and I was sobbing openly. He pushed me off of his lap to the floor. I immediately kneeled with my ass up in the air again. His hand twisted down in my hair and he pulled my face up to his crotch.

"Now you better pleasure me, slut."

His thighs were parted and he had already unzipped his jeans. He pulled his cock out. I have never had a black cock before. Not that it mattered. His was still soft but thick and his balls were large and covered with tight curly wiry hair.

As he guided me closer I could smell his male scent, his sweaty tang. I opened my mouth wide and took his balls in my mouth. He groaned and thrust out at me and

I let my tongue start working its magic. I licked underneath and all around. I sucked and tugged softly at them with the bridge of my nose pressing into his cock. Still sucking, I rolled them around in my mouth. I leaned back to pull them out from his body, then let my tongue stroke under them, licking up and down from his sac to his crack.

"Ohhhh fuckkk yess," He moaned.

His swollen balls slipped out of my mouth and plopped back to his body. Leaning in quickly again, I flattened my tongue and dragged it straight up that thick vein to the tip of his shaft. Gripping his cock in my hand, I squeezed it. I held his cock while my tongue licked back and forth over his slit. The head of his dark, purplish cock contrasted with the pearly precum as it oozed out. Pumping and squeezing him, I licked up every drop as fast as I milked it out. I cupped his balls in my free hand and gently squeezed them at the same instant my mouth closed over his oozing tip. I sucked, softly at first with my tongue vibrating over his cum hole as I started stroking him. Harder and faster I went, squeezing and milking him all the while. I wanted to swallow him, to suck out all the cum in his balls. I began bobbing up to the tip and coming down more every time, until I was gagging on his thickness. He was pushing my head down and thrusting up into my mouth. I swallowed and relaxed my throat to take him. His cock tip went deep in my throat. He twisted his hand in my hair again and slammed me down on him. I sucked hard until my cheeks dimpled in. He was holding me there fucking my throat. I felt his balls tighten and the cum rising up in him. He pulled back and exploded all over my face and my hair. Three thick, gooey spurts splashed my forehead and my cheeks. He leaned back in the chair panting. His cock gave a last jerk when I closed my mouth softly over it, licking gently, lapping up every drop. His cum was salty and tangy.

"That's enough, girl," He pushed me back. "You let my cum dry on your body. Wear it home. Don't wash it off till tomorrow. You may shower first thing in the morning."

I spoke then without permission as I knelt before him.

"Thank you, Master Robert for your punishment, for the gift of your cum. I am honored to wear your cum, Master Robert."

For once I didn't get in trouble for speaking spontaneously. Master Michael came up behind me.

"That's all for tonight. You may go. As further punishment for your disobedience tonight, you are not allowed to touch yourself in a pleasurable way. You are not allowed to cum until we have a chance to speak with your Dom and see what length of time he suggests. Now go into the bathroom, take the plug out and clean it and leave it there, then you may get dressed and leave."

I nodded and within twenty minutes, I was limping to my car. Almost six hours had passed. It was after 11 p.m.

Retrospective

When I came upon the phrase "Cherished submissive", in my own handwriting, it caused me to laugh aloud. I recalled vividly the first time I had been "cherished". It had not been long after the incident at the Farmer's market.

"La Boheme" had been playing at the opera and he had arranged tickets for us. An early dinner at a new restaurant had also been planned. He had arrived somewhat early, I'd promised to hurry and went into my bathroom to put the finishing touches on my make up. I'd emerged to find him sitting on my bed with my vibrator in his hand. I knew it had been in the bedside drawer and the thought that he had invaded my privacy was just forming when his voice interrupted me.

"What the fuck is this?" He'd demanded harshly.

It had been said as though he had discovered me with another man as opposed to an inanimate sex toy. His anger was so unexpected that I could only stammer as he glared at me.

"I don't satisfy you? Your slut's cunt is so constantly needy that you will resort to something like this to quiet it?"

Before I'd had a chance to answer, he'd pulled me into the front room and flung me into the antique rocker my Aunt had willed me.

"Darling, I…" I'd begun.

"Shut up and take off your panty hose."

I had struggled out of them under his glaring eyes, while he'd waited with his hand out. The only cogent thing in my mind during all this had been the inane thought that we would probably not have time for dinner. After I'd handed him my panty hose he used them to tie me into the rocker. The small ivory pen knife he always carried had been used to divide the nylon into the four parts he had needed to tightly bind my wrists and ankles. When he had slipped the sharp little blade under the neckline of the new dress I had bought for the occasion, I was shocked out of my confusion. With me yelling and cursing at him the whole while, he had methodically sliced open my garmet and yanked it from me. In my helpless frustration, I'd

suddenly recalled all of the little slights he had recently taken to stinging me with and began paying him back, calling him every foul thing I could think of. He had cut loose and tossed away my bra and had just tugged my panties up through my crotch. He'd started to send them after the bra but my foul mouth had changed his mind and he'd packed them into my screaming mouth. While I had yanked ineffectually at the tight nylon and tried uselessly to push the panties from my mouth with my tongue he had taken up the phone and the directory. After a short perusal, he had dialed and sat down on the sofa.

He'd spoken my address into the phone and then gave whoever he was speaking to what sounded like a credit card number. With the phone back in its cradle, he had sat with his legs crossed and after gazing across at me impassively for a moment, had picked up a magazine.

I gave up struggling as the futility of it had sunk in. My eyes had welled up in frustration and I was crying freely by then. I'd looked at him pleadingly through my tears but he'd ignored me, glancing up from the magazine only to check his watch. Some thirty minutes must have passed, though at the time it had seemed an eternity, when the door chime had sounded. He had opened my door to a smartly dressed, attractive young woman. I remember exactly the hot flush that had spread over me when he'd walked her across my own carpet to gaze down on me.

"This is Marcia. She is a whore but she is an honest whore. She saves her juices for her clients. She is not a sneaky slut who squanders her essence on one of these." He was showing her the vibrator as he had berated me. "Marcia will accompany me to the opera . I'd rather be seen with an honest whore on my arm than a selfish, sneaky slut. You can spend the evening here with your friend."

He had turned on the vibrator and shoved it roughly into my exposed cunt and then set the chair in motion with a shove of his foot. I was left there, bound, with the vibrator buzzing away between my spread thighs. He had gathered his overcoat and escorted the whore to the door. I will never forget the smug, amused smile on her pretty face as she had paused on her way out to glance over her shoulder at me. It was the contempt I read in her eyes, as I helplessly rocked, backward and forward with that buzzing plastic wand up my cunt, that did it. With mocking eyes still on me I began to orgasm.

Shit! Get a load of that , baby. The slut is cumming."

Her words had only made it more intense. The door had closed off the sound of their laughter and I had been left alone.

It had been a long, lonely evening. The batteries in the vibrator had died and my swollen eyes had finally cried themselves dry by the time he returned. The whole evening, as I'd waited, my mind had been consumed by the fear that he would bring her home with him. I'd had visions of him fucking her on my sofa while she laughed at me. My anger had exhausted itself with my tears and when he'd returned alone the only emotion that remained to me had been relief.

He had untied me with little murmurings of concern and it had been me, instead of the whore, Marcia, on the sofa whom he had fucked senseless. Later, I had told him that I was sorry and that I would never use the vibrator again. He had stroked my hair and said that he knew I wouldn't., that I was a good girl and had learned my lesson. That was when he had said it.

"I only punished you because I cherish you so completely."

The Third Session

The afternoon was filled with various errands. I stopped at a favorite restaurant and ate a lean meal with lots of protein. Each session used up so much of my energy that I often found myself feeling ravenous. I had to rush home in order to have enough time for the dreaded enemas. It was the same as ever….still very difficult to endure.

Tonight, instead of hesitating in the car, I went straight in as soon as I arrived. I took off my clothes and folded them neatly. No one met me...then I noticed a note taped to the back of the door. It instructed me that once I had undressed, I was to enter the barn. I was to crawl to the platform and present myself to who ever might be sitting there. I went through the door and dropped to my knees with my head down. I took no chance of being caught with my eyes raised to the Masters. Sir had told me to be good and to try hard not to embarrass him.

It was a long way from the door to the platform. It took me awhile to reach the far side of it. I tried to remember to crawl seductively, to keep my thighs parted and my ass raised up as much as I could. I thought how hard it was to crawl properly. It was something I was not at all used to. I made a mental note to practice crawling at home.

There were four sets of feet on the platform. I recognized the three pair of heavily booted feet belonging to my Masters. I felt relief. The wording of the note had left me fearing that someone strange might have awaited me. To my far right I saw black, leather boots with very high platform heels; the boots of a female. The sight of them aroused a new nervousness in me. I felt the flush of heat and embarrassment suffuse my flesh. I had come to enjoy presenting myself to these men but the idea of another woman seeing me abjectly crawling bothered me.

I stopped in front of the boots that I knew belonged to Master James and raised up on my knees to the first presenting position as I had been taught. They completely ignored me and kept on talking about a recent party they had attended. They traded stories and laughed. It was as if I wasn't there. It was hard staying still, holding position, the platform was hard and my knees were starting to ache. Finally, Master James leaned forward and cupped my breast in his hand while he was talking and teased my tender nipple. I winced and he felt it. He leaned closer, lifting my breasts and inspecting my nipples.

"Who used your nipples like this, girl?"

I told him of the punishment Sir had decreed following my second session. I had been ordered to apply clamps to my most tender parts. He ran his finger over my clit which was also tender and swollen; it made me gasp.

"Tell your Dom that I can be your witness that you took your punishment. I'm afraid that your poor little clit will be mighty sore before you leave us tonight. Isn't that right, Michael?"

They all laughed together.

"Present your ass to us, girl." Master Robert said.

I lowered myself to my hands and knees and crawled around until I faced away from them. I'd never been so relieved to get out of any one position. It felt good to lean down, stretch my arms forward, and rest my cheek on the floor. I remembered to keep my knees parted wide and lift my ass up. Then I felt hands everywhere, whose hands I didn't know. Someone was stroking my hair, another rougher hand tracing my spine from the base of my neck all the way down to the curve of my hips. Yet a different hand was reaching underneath me, cupping my cunt, squeezing gently over my rings. A thick finger began probing my ass with just its tip pressing in,

"Show us with your body how much you want to be used. From now on each time we inspect you, you must show us what a good girl you are," Master James ordered.

I flushed red from embarrassment when someone tugged on the string of my tampon but started squirming and wiggling my ass wantonly, as I felt it was what they desired of me. I pushed back at the hands that were probing me. I moaned like a slut for them and moaned even louder when a finger pushed all the way past my anal ring. There were long, sharp nails raking my back and my ass cheeks and then a sharp slap followed by the woman's voice.

"Shake that ass, you hot little bitch."

My ass was rocking, lifting and pressing back at him. I clenched down on that finger until I felt it pull out, leaving me aching and empty and I groaned again. They must have moved away, for suddenly all those arousing hands were gone. I was left sweaty and trembling, alone with the lust they had built in me.

"Resume the first position, girl!"

Master James' voice penetrated my mindless hunger and I hastened to obey.

"Now listen carefully and remember what I tell you. When you present in this position, you must cup your breasts. Lift them up and offer them to be used."

I nodded my understanding.

"You may speak in that position but only to beg that we use you for our pleasure. After you have offered up your breasts, you will part your labia and offer us your cunt. You will beg us to use it. Do you understand, girl?"

Again, I nodded my compliance.

"You will then take the second position and pull your ass open for us. You will beg us to use your asshole. You must remember your place. You are a needy, submissive slut whose only purpose is to obey and give pleasure to the Masters or Doms you were born to serve."

"Yes, Master." I whispered.

"This is again the time you may speak freely. Is there any part of your training that you have had a problem with?"

I almost said nothing out of fear but at the same time I felt he wanted me to be honest with him. There was no longer any point in protesting their use of the ice at my last session. It had passed and I had survived it. But there were the enemas that I so loathed.

"Yes, Master James, I dread and hate the enemas more than I've ever hated anything. I'm trying to obey, I really am, Sir."

He leaned down and lifted my chin up with his fingers and gave me permission to look into his eyes. When I did, I found them dark but not angry. They seemed to be trying to delve within me.

"Girl, you have to trust that there is a reason for everything we have you do, especially the preparation. Think of it as getting into the mindset of your submission. Think about how you are serving when you wash your body and shave. That you are coming to us clean and perfect inside and out for our use. Think of it as your offering. As your way of showing us that you are worthy of being used. The enemas are large and difficult, I know. Use that for your benefit by accepting it as an act of obedience. As you rid your body of impurities also rid your mind of everything that will distract you from focusing on who you need to be when you walk through this door. Who knows, slut, in time you may come to enjoy it. If that's all, then prepare yourself to accept your discipline."

Master Robert got up and told me to lift up my hair from my neck. He put the thick heavy training collar on me. My wrists were cuffed and my arms drawn back with the cuffs clipped together behind my back. I didn't know where the lady went, I didn't hear her or see her but then I didn't dare raise my eyes up to look. He helped me to my feet and led me to one of the padded tables. I was forced up onto it so that I lay with my hands uncomfortably beneath me. With my legs spread wide, I was fastened into immobility by heavy leather straps. My head, my torso, my belly, my thighs, calves and ankles were all secured. My movement limited to the curl of a toe and the blink of an eye. While they were doing that, Master James stepped up close with a box in his hand. No one said a word and the longer I lay there the more nervous I became. Discipline was something I dreaded and yet it was the one part of the session where I knew I could go to subspace and escape the agony of the pain.

My legs were strapped wide apart, and Master Michael stepped up to the end of the table and began gently probing up through my slit until his finger found my sore clit. I moaned when he began circling it at the base, brushing over it, making it throb with both pleasure and pain from Sir's clamping. It was then that Master James slipped something over my bruised right nipple, a syringe kind of thing that fit flush with my body at the base of my nipple. He began pulling up on the little syringe, making a vacuum inside the tube, and the pain was immediate. I looked down in horror to watch my nipple swell and be sucked up into the tube. The suction was constant, my nipple expanded to fill the base of the tube and the awful sensation became almost overwhelming. He moved to my left nipple and did the same thing.

"No. Please, no, I can't stand it."

He ignored my protests and went to the end of the table, where Master Michael spread my labia open. I watched with pain clouded eyes as another syringe was applied to my clit. Concentric circles of agony now radiated from three throbbing points of pain on my tortured body.

"I think twenty minutes should do it. Let's go get some coffee while we wait."

I heard their footsteps retreat, hushed voices and then in the distance garbled conversation pierced occasionally by the sound of female laughter.

My nipples and clit were on fire. I could feel every heartbeat and the blood pulsing through me felt hot. Peering down the length of my body, I saw that my nipples and clit were three times normal size. They stuck out from my body, looking obscene and gross, like small, purplish baby cocks. I closed my eyes and in my mind imagined Sir standing back in the shadows watching me endure this for him. I tried to slow my breathing as the

rise and fall of my chest seemed to aggravate the action of the tubes.

At last the Masters returned. Master James flicked the tube on my right nipple with his thumb and finger. I heard a moan and realized that it had come from me, from deep inside me.

"Perfect."

Before they depressed the syringes to take the tubes off, they stretched rubber bands down over the tubes, and down to the base of my nipples. They cut into my flesh and kept all three of my tortured appendages engorged even though the syringes were removed. They then took three clover clamps with tiny chains connecting them and clamped them to my nipples and clit. I screamed. I couldn't help it. What had been steady pain, suddenly moved in hot deep pulsing waves through my body; I clenched my hands till my nails drove into my palms. Strapped tight to the table, I shook and writhed in my restraints. Master James bent down close to my face, stroked my hair,

"There, girl, there, go with it. Go with it, sweetheart, take it. Accept it."

His voice was soothing and soft, the words caressing my mind. A numbing set in and at last I calmed. He kissed my hair.

"Good girl. That's such a good girl."

Master Robert unstrapped me and helped me up off the table. He had to help hold me when I first stood up, the wave of pain from the dangling clamps nearly made me faint and my knees buckled.

Master Michael walked up holding a black leather leash and attached it to the ring between the nipple chains. He said it was time to be leash trained. I was told that whenever I was leashed and walked, I was to heel to the right and always one step behind my Master or Dom. He turned suddenly and took a step forward. I wasn't ready and the leash tugged hard on the chains and made the clamps tighten down. I yelped and jerked forward, nearly stumbling. After that I moved when he moved, stopped when he stopped. I became his silent shadow, enduring the weight of the biting clamps and the chains that felt heavier with each minute that passed. We circled the barn several times, starting, stopping, and turning. When was satisfied, he led me back to the platform.

"Kneel and present your body again."

He slipped the leash off but left the thick collar on. My hands were released from behind me and I gratefully sank down to my knees into position.

Master Robert was on my left and I heard a thud. I glanced toward the sound and saw several coils of rope in different colors. He picked one up and began binding me, circling each breast with tight loops and spirals. As the rope coiled and tightened, my breasts swelled and were lifted and yet another variation of deep burning and throbbing set in. The rope circled my upper arms and they were drawn back, and loops went up through the rings of the collar, through the wrist cuffs, and slowly, so slowly my body was pulled forward, face nearly touching the floor. The rope had me so tightly bound that I could scarcely move a muscle. My hands were drawn back to my ankles, my knees up underneath my breasts and all the while the clamps and chains hung from my abused nipples. I felt the cool draft of air on my raised ass, the only part of my body not covered with rope, If only I could have rested my cheek on the floor but the stiffness of the collar

and the way I was tied prevented even that small comfort. I ached everywhere now, every muscle was screaming at the unnatural stillness. I longed to stretch out and rub my aching arms, shoulders and legs. I was already groaning when I felt the first soft stroke of the flogger.

No rabbit tail flogger this time, no easing into it. This time the strikes started almost gently but with a definite sting to each one. The tempo picked up, the strikes became heavier, harder and I heard Master Michael grunting. Each time a swish of air just before the leather bit into me. My groans became cries as the leather searched out every inch of my soft ass cheeks. The heat flamed, and soon, thank god, I was soaring. The leather became my lover. Taking me past the pain, to a place where my awareness shrank to an out of body awareness of myself. I became my Master's thing. His slut. I became nothing beyond the throbbing nipples, burning cunt and fiery ass that he used for his pleasure.

When I came to, hands, gentle, strong hands were untying me. My legs were straightened out. The hands massaged and soothed my tight aching muscles. The clamps and chains and the little rubber bands were all removed and again the searing pain exploded through me from my nipples to my clit. As I sobbed, Master Robert held me tight to his body, rocking me and stroking my hair while pain slowly faded.

"Hush, baby. Hush now, accept it, baby girl."

Then there was the rough-soft touch of his huge thumb brushing tears from my cheeks. My eyes closed and with acceptance came another time of drifting.

I was allowed to sleep for awhile. When I woke up, Master Robert's lap had been replaced with a small pillow. It was Master Michael who was gently shaking me awake and I wasn't punished for looking up at him when my eyes first opened but I quickly lowered them.

"On your knees, girl."

A large bowl of cool water was placed just in front of me. I was dying of thirst and my throat felt raw from all of my screaming. Master Michael put his hand on the back of my head and gently but steadily pushed my face forward. It was a dog bowl. I realized that I was expected to lap up the water. It was hard drinking like that but I was so thirsty at that point nothing mattered to me but obeying. If this is what Master Michael wished for me, then I knew there was a lesson in doing it. As I drank with my ass in the air, splattering water and feeling it dripping off my chin and my nose, I understood just what that lesson was meant to teach. I was property. I was owned, just as a valued pet is owned and cherished. I would be cared for, my needs would be met. There would be food and water and a safe place to sleep in. But like any pet, I would have to behave. I would obey or there would be punishment until I accepted the will of my Master. I would follow his rules, worship him, protect him, defend him, and trust him with my life. I would be trained to serve the one who owned me and my only purpose would be serving and pleasing. I would be the faithful pet at his side. Did I find this humiliating? Strangely, I did not. Not in the least. I felt very proud to be lapping water out of a dog bowl and coming to understand and accept who I was.

I emptied the bowl. It was Master James who came for me. He attached the leash to the posture collar and led me, crawling on all fours, to a large cushion on the floor of the platform.

"First position, slut," was all that he said.

I assumed that kneeling position and he cuffed my wrists behind me again. The woman, that woman that I had seen before, stepped in front of me. All I could see were her legs, black thigh high fishnet stockings and very fine black leather boots to her knees with high platform heels. Her hand twisted into my hair and she raised my face up.

You may look at me, slut."

I looked up to a face with the darkest eyes I'd ever seen; they were intense and almost black as they appraised me. She wore heavy makeup, dark red lipstick and her hair hung down past her shoulders. It was curly, like mine. She wasn't what I'd call pretty but she was striking and exuded an air of authority. She wore a black leather bra and a matching vest that hung open. A leather thong of some kind covered most of her belly but not her ass. Instead of one panel of material covering her crotch, there were two bands of leather that divided off, running to either side of her labia so that her cunt was exposed. She was not shaven and a bush of dark curly hair was displayed. Still holding my head up, she stepped closer.

"I am Mistress Marissa and you will serve me tonight."

I whimpered and my heart skipped a beat as I felt the smack of Master James' crop on my sore burning ass cheek.

"Girl, show Mistress Marissa how much you love her pussy. Lick her. Service her until she cums on your face."

She stepped forward again and straddled my face, still holding my head back with her fingers twisting tight in my hair. She gripped my head in between her thighs and pressed her cunt down to my mouth. I had to fight the urge to gag. The crop stroking my ass focused me though. I began licking, pressing my tongue up through her wet slit, circling her clit, nuzzling my face in tighter. All the while Master James continued to stroke my ass cheeks with the tip of the crop. With that constant reminder I began sucking and even nipping and tugging her musky labia. She was grinding her hips and moaning. I thrust my tongue deep inside her, wiggling it, slipping it in and out in my effort to make her come. I sucked up the slick cream that began pouring out of her cunt. There were minutes where I couldn't breathe. I felt I might suffocate from her cunt covering and pressing down over my mouth and my nose. At times, I would gasp for a breath, only to inhale wet pussy and no air at all. I worked harder, concentrating on her clit, tugging it, licking it, then slipping my tongue deep inside her again, back and forth like that, my face slick with her cream. Finally she screamed and came hard on my face, thrashing and bending my head back with her weight as her knees buckled.

"Ohhhhh fuckkkkk!" She screamed out.

She ground down hard, rocking over my mouth, while I sucked. At last she pulled off me and stepped back.

"What a cunt sucking bitch this one is!"

My eyes were lowered, my head held high by the collar and I was shaking. I was so grateful that she had been pleased and that I wouldn't be punished. Her smell was all over me, it was on my face and in my hair. I was covered with her cum. Then she stepped forward again.

"Clean me up, girl."

Closing my eyes, so that I wouldn't look in her face, I began licking. Long, slow, deep licks, with my tongue flattened. I licked up through her wet slit, her cunt, her bushy hair, the puffed labia and her hard, swollen clit, seeking to clean her thoroughly. I even darted my tongue inside her again.

I had only succeeded in arousing her again. She started grinding down hard on my face but this time she came quickly and hard. Her strong thighs squeezed tight on the sides of my head, locking my mouth to her. Again a flood of her hot cum filled my mouth. I could feel her quivering and then she suddenly released me and staggered back.

"Thank you, Mistress Marissa, for the honor of serving you." I whispered.

Master James seemed very pleased by that. He put his hand on my head and stroked my hair.

"Good girl. You may go but wear Mistress Marissa's cum until you get home."

I crawled to the room where my clothes were and dressed. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand my thong or my bra touching my nipples and clit, so I carried them out with me. My face was still wet with her cum. I hoped no one would see me on the way home and yet I felt good, felt proud that I'd made it through one whole session without being punished. It felt good to please.

Author's Note: This is the last update to this work that will be posted. These three sessions and the remaining seventeen comprise a three volume trilogy. The first of these volumes is entitled – "Seeking". Anyone with further interest in the journals is welcome to e mail me. Estabanbacca(at)yahoo(dot)com.

The Pain and Pleasure Journals

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