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Holidays at Angie's
Author: Daze_Earth
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(Added on Jan 19, 2012)
(This month 59585 readers) (Total 71700 readers) |
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Angela's two young nieces, Janine and Michelle, come over for the holidays. The girls get bored staying with Angela and soon she becomes a target for their amusement. When the girls manage to catch their aunt naked, things take a turn for the worse and their mother comes over. A deeper plot is unearthed and Angela loses control of the situation. The girls and their mother take liberties with Angela's naked body despite her protests and the holidays become a lot more eventful than she initially anticipated. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Martiniman
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 26, 2012 |
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Descent plot, but not played out as well as it could have been. Also very rushed & not plausible enough to be believable. First things first...houses can't be turned over so easily as it was in this story. That ruined it for me when I read that. Secondly, it would be to easy to simply call the police & the matter would have ended. And I don't care about height, I can't see two teens overpowering a 28 year old as easily as they did. Another thing is that if the mom is a cousin, that makes the girls second cousins...not nieces. You had a good idea, but it needs a little more work to be plausible & would be nice if you actually described in detail the sex acts & humiliation instead of just telling us it was done. Keep writing tho, as I see promise. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2012 |
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While slightly better written than "Happy Birthday Angie", there's still quite a few things which don't seem right.
For starters, the narrative is too pedestrian, lacking tension or a build-up of the latter. And when there's potential to build some and weave a plot, the author gives everything away in a lackluster paragraph (the fact Angie is at the basis of frictions in the family).
Then there's the story which seems to head towards a confrontation between Angie and her aunt -also indicated by the synopsys, but once we anticipate said confrontation, there's an epilogue instead of a juicy second chapter, forgoing half a book of shenanigans.
I also sensed that Daze Earth seems to have trouble keeping a certain flow in his story. Like he somehow veers from the main plotline and then has trouble getting back on track. Or that he has difficulty in fitting everyday events into the story, with the result that the story suffers from the written equivalent of uncomfortable silences.
Could be because Daze Earth writes stuff as it comes along, without the benefit of a well worked out main storyline. Like building the bodywork of a car without first having thought hard enough about the chassis.
This being said, I also feel Daze Earth has improved on the writing front. Now all that needs to be done is -besides improving some more- polishing the story to a shine before posting. Like, not answering a doorbell, but the door instead.
JJ (7/10)
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- Replied by:
himannv
(Edit) (Jan 20, 2012)
- Will keep at it JJ, my new aim as an author is to get you over to my side (oh yes). Got another story up my sleeve and I'm going to try and win you over with it. Keep an eye open for it ;)
- Daze_Earth
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Jan 20, 2012)
- Hehehe... no need to win me over, because I like your stories so far. It's just that they could use some polish.
And don't try to amaze the readers, Daze... you'll end up pleasing nobody -not even yourself ; )
JJ
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