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The Unfortunate Cyclist
Author: Tavy
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(Added on Dec 11, 2011)
(This month 21478 readers) (Total 46555 readers) |
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A driver takes cruel advantage of the victim of an accident |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2011 |
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I should see to it that I get a review in before Michael, otherwise I can't do much else but agree and move on.
Moving on, now...
JJ (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 15, 2011 |
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As usual, author Tavy, brings his prodigious skill at writing to the classic genre of slasher erotica, giving us the story of The Unfortunate Cyclist, otherwise known as "You Reap What You Sow". There's a fantastic twist at the end, but I'll let the readers discover that for themselves.
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I'm going to be honest, if blood, shit, dislocated shoulders, and knife play turn you on, you'll be wanking after about three paragraphs. For me, I didn't feel a great level of eroticism in this story, though I have to admit that Tavy has done a great job of increasing the "sexual" aspect of his latest stories. No, the reason I got "turned off" by the latest story is that it was just too personal. Not that I've killed any cyclists lately, but the first person narrative perspective, along with the objective descriptions really tugged my heart strings. I FELT for this girl. I'm a big old softy in the first place and I would have called the hospital. I'm the kind of guy who likes to tie his subs up, whip them red, screw their brains out, and then in the afterglow struggle to release them as quick as possible because I can't stand them being bound helpless like that. Stupid, I know.
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I do have a couple of suggestions for the author. First of all, drop the alternate viewpoint. I realize there was something important to communicate there, but it just clashed with the whole first three quarters of the story. Especially since it was rather punctuated, and didn't especially communicate the awful suffering that hunger and thirst really inflict upon a person. Basically, I got that what's her name was actually turned on by being brutally raped and tortured, which is fine, but hungry and thirsty is a whole new ball game in reality.
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Another recommendation is to not focus so much on the action that moves the plot. Yes it's important to have action and to move the plot, but when writing in first person the author relies on the character to provide the lens for everything. Descriptions are paramount, and while present in this story, were sparse and not fleshed out. Also, it would have been great to have a bit more of the emotional motivation behind the main character's behavior and actions. Sure, I could see him dumping the body of a dead cyclist, but his behavior went way father than "not wanting to lose my license". What makes this guy tick? This story would have seriously benefited from some flashback memories, where the main character told of some blond girl in high school that he had dumped him and he fantasized about raping and killing her or something. As it was, we went from scared motorist to brutal psychopath relatively quick, and it scared me.
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Tavy has a distinct ability to craft a compelling tale. His grammar, his sentence structure, even his vocabulary ranks up there with published authors, and I'm not just talking about the hordes of crap that people put out in e-book form on Amazon.com and try to sell it for 6.99 hoping you'll be stupid enough to buy it. No, Tavy can actually write. And with a little more experience, Tavy's stories will be the trim, streamlined, masterpieces slasher erotica fans will come to love.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
d1ll1gaf
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 13, 2011 |
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Well written story with an interesting twist at the end. Good job. (8/10)
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