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Shoplifting
Author: beastbookbody
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(Added on Apr 30, 2011)
(This month 52616 readers) (Total 54943 readers) |
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A shoplifter has to "pay" for stolen merchandise. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 16, 2011 |
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I enjoyed this tale a lot.
*
First of all, I want to compliment the author on pulling off a present tense, first person narrative. Present tense is very hard to successfully write in because in general it sounds awkward to the ear. We are used to reading tales in past tense, so when we are confronted by a present tense tale, it takes some serious chops to make it work. This story had them.
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Of course equally as hard to do is tell a great story from a first person perspective. When an author writes in first person, they are by necessity limiting themselves to the view of the "narrator". So in essence, they have to have the narrator notice everything that needs to be told to the audience. It's like filming a movie with just one camera. When you have such a limited frame, you have to make it move through the environment to get everything in view. In "Shoplifting", this was done efficiently, if not in detail. I for one would have liked a bit more detail, especially in the sex scenes later on.
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I thought the character of David to be rather incongruous with the rest of the story, especially when the two jewelry store clerks were so obviously lesbian. Bi? Okay, maybe. But while I can find myself believing that "Lisa" was subjugated under threat of criminal charges being filed, the likelihood of the them finding a mall security guard who would participate in their depravity is pretty hard to believe. For me, that required stretch was tough to swallow. The story would have been just fine with Lisa and Nikki abusing the "narrator".
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The real reason I gave this an eight instead of a nine is because I felt that the meat of the story, the building climax, wasn't as detailed as the narrator's initial impression of the store, or her personal reasons for kleptomania. To be honest, I would have preferred the sex scenes to be much much longer, with the action detailed, rather than having an entire type of sexual action outlined in a single sentence. The author clearly has the chops for incredible description, but I felt... rushed... as if we were on a ski slope and I only had a few moments to glimpse the scenery before getting to the bottom. There's always a fine line between too little and too much scene description, but in this case, especially with the incredible goings on, taking it a bit slower would have really helped the overall sexual tension build-up.
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I have to agree with Dryhill. This story definitely deserves a sequel. I can't wait to see what happens between Lisa and the narrator when they're caught doing the naughty to each other instead of inventory!
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All in all, a decent story from a high quality author.
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Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2011 |
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Well written with just a few spelling errors that did not distract from the story. Is there going to be a follow-on story, i hope so. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
TANK1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 6, 2011 |
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Very well written,with good details.
I could see every scene as I was reading the story. (9/10)
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