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The Portal
Author: Sketchy
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(Added on Jun 27, 2010)
(This month 54624 readers) (Total 59569 readers) |
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A college graduate is in search of work, instead she finds herself on a voyage down into total and utter submission and humiliation. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 22, 2012 |
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Hot story (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 27, 2010 |
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Fairly standard fodder so far. But Sketchy asked for constructive criticism, so here goes.
First off, don't try to describe your characters in separate paragraphs. It breaks the story's flow; comes across as tedious and manages only one thing and that's to draw a cardboard cut-out without content.
A character should be molded as the story moves along, adding traits (both visual and intellectual) through actions and/or musings/conversations.
Secondly, avoid to use the same word more than once in the same sentence, or repeat (by mistake) parts of a sentence within that phrase. There's synonym dictionaries: use them.
Third, don't get all apologetic even before you start a story. It lets surmise the worst (and it often is --but not in this case). You're the author, you play the tune and we'll follow. Or not, of course.
And to end this constructiveness with a nice paradox: never mind constructive (or any) criticism. You write first and foremost for yourself. So, write what you like, not what others llike. Cause in the end, when you do the latter, no-one will like the writing, not even you.
I liked the start of "The Portal". Standard fodder maybe, but above par. Now that I've scared you, let's see what you have up yer trembling sleeve, Sketchy... *wink*
JJ (7/10)
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