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First time subbing
Author: Papa Vegas
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(Added on Apr 6, 2007)
(This month 49412 readers) (Total 58630 readers) |
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A young woman and her prospective Master have arranged to meet. She is tested to see if she is capable of being his sub. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
lattes&lace
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 3, 2007 |
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I truly enjoyed reading your story. The only true problem that I noticed was that occasionally, you would drift from third person to first. Having read this after reading your first, I think I can understand why, but it might be something you want to work on.
As I said, I very much enjoyed the story. I would absolutely love to see more! It makes me think of meeting my own first master under similar circumstances. I hope you continue to write! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
tbear4759
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2007 |
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the spelling needs to be improved. otherwise it's a decent story. he should have mede her hold his cum in her mouth for a period of time. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2007 |
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Anice plot, though it could have been a little more descriptive as far as the surroundings - describing the club in more detail; the appearance, sounds and odors in the men's room, etc. One thing that particularly detracted from the story, though, was that in several sentences, you'd begin with "you," and continue with "she," while talking about the same person. A re-write might be in order to correct this, and if so, I'd reconsider my score. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 7, 2007 |
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Nice job, imaginative story. You chose to write in the present tense which is often difficult and sometimes awkward. The story tellers point of view sometimes drifts as well, minor glitches really. I would have had her swallow but that's just me. (7/10)
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