|
|
|
|
|
The Present
Author: Hawk_Fann & Sbbe
|
| |
(Added on Sep 10, 2006)
(This month 53609 readers) (Total 69485 readers) |
| |
Chad wanted to get his wife Shari a really special Christmas present. So Chad went to a slave auction and bought Beth. What a sweet husband. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
20% |
10% |
50% |
10% |
10% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 23, 2009 |
| |
good story, enjoyed it (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 11, 2007 |
| |
I like the basic concept of this story and I can see how this could make for a tremendously entertaining story. Unfortunately, there are some tremendously illogical developments that hindered the story - like the auction. Also, how stupid was her master? I wanted to hit him for being such a dumb ass. Another problem was that there were some very oddly put together passages that haulted the flow. One that made me laugh was "The door slammed and it jerked to a start". I realize that you meant the van jerked to a start but it sure did read like the door jerked to a start. Also, where was the girl? She was there but she wasn't. She was a main character that barely existed. Where was her suffering and fear? To close, the story felt a bit rushed. You found a good concept and hammered it out, but you didn't stop long enough to visit or work out certain factors properly.
Now, I feel like a heel for this review because SBBE is a friend and I just tore her and Hawk Fan a new one. (6/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
StillBehindBlueEyes
(Edit) (Jan 11, 2007)
- Kisses to his forehead, don't feel bad H. Dean. I know that you only criticize honestly. I’ll look back over the story and decide if I come for a visit and beat you up or if I rewrite.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Jan 11, 2007)
- You're a gem, SBBE, and I am glad you understand.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
she_screams
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 14, 2006 |
| |
This started good but left a bit too much to the imagination after a while. I'm glad I read it though and can't wait for next part!
s_s (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 13, 2006 |
| |
Not bad. (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Sara5
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 12, 2006 |
| |
i loved this story, it definitely shows the dangers when you go too far with online domination. i would tend to disagree with Master DW, if i may, i like the idea that Shari is Domme, but clearly unskilled at this stage, it will be interesting to see Her learning process as well as the christmas presents. Anyway, Chad seems to have all the necessary skills! I can't wait to see how this pans out, and whether the original Master still has a part to play. Thank You both, Hawk and SBB (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Timberwolf
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 11, 2006 |
| |
I'd say it was very good. Certainly a reccomendable beginning, worth the read, and definitely with many interesting possible directions. A pretty good example of leaving the reader wanting more for the instalments to follow. Even on its own it leaves the imagination with many different directions that one can fantasize into. Good job. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
masterdw
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 11, 2006 |
| |
very good beginning but you ust toughen shari up or the story won't take off. Good luck and I am looking forward to the next installment. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
P4C0
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 11, 2006 |
| |
Greate start, great way of writing, great thean, I just love it, please give us more!!! I'm looking forward to read more and more of what I hope to be a great story, if you keep writing like this, I'm sure it will, thanks a lot!! I really enjoyed it... (10/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Millie
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 10, 2006 |
| |
This was a great start, and I am looking forward to reading more. It has a lot of possibilities. Good job. (8/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
StillBehindBlueEyes
(Edit) (Sep 10, 2006)
- Thank you very much. Hawk and I enjoyed our little beginning.
|
|
|
About 