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| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2006 |
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no synopsuis, you need to draw readers in to the story, bad grammar nothing realy worked (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
xxx
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2005 |
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i agree with the other posts about the spelling and grammar, but moreover, people just don't talk like that. I would suggest worrying less about how you think people are supposed to talk in this sort of story and think more about what they would really say and/or think. I was reminded of the type of dialouge and thought processes that the kids I babysit attribute to adults. So much so that this story wound up being a turn-off rather than a turn-on. I know that you can do better than this- just don't worry so much about how people are _supposed_ to talk (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
nikita
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 22, 2005 |
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I am ashamed to give anyone this rating. Please submit another one and show that you learned from this experience. Areas that need work: grammar, punctuation, run on sentences, paragraph structure, character development, etc. There are short essays available to get a beginning writer off to a better start. If you'd like some links to this information, please email me and I would be happy to give them to you. Don't give up. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
bdsm4lyf3
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 21, 2005 |
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it was my first story i ever wrote, plus i aint so hot at spelling, so ya, i kinda expected some ppl not to like it. Its all the good though, i dont mind the critism. id give my first story, being completey honset...5. i need to work on my writing and i know it =P (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
SubMissive
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 21, 2005 |
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I couldn't make it through the first paragraph it was so poorly written. I have NEVER met a woman with 30D breasts, and it's BRA not BRAW. (3/10)
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