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Oblivion
Author: Obetz
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(Added on Jul 20, 2005)
(This month 53585 readers) (Total 75613 readers) |
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The begging of a new slaves requitement, can she, will she submit or has she fire in her heart yet. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dusty Spring
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2010 |
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I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it, if the rest ever gets written. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 1, 2008 |
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a little bit of everything,, i enjoyed it alot, hope you plan to add more (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
albeit2727
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2005 |
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I think this story is excellent, I really liked the way it starts out with the car ride, poor Ann is just dying to cum right from the start. I was going for my toys right at the beginning!!! And when Mia and Ann are togehter, both times, well....mmmm, the way the author described it I could almost feel Mia fingering my pussy, oh, I mean Anns pussy. I hope there is going to be more, Ann has either alot of revenge to take out on her new slave, or she's goig to step up to the plate and give him all of the things she so desired when she was Masters slave? What do you think obetz? And when can I read more? SSK (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 22, 2005 |
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Not bad at all. Quite erotic, and excellent story construction.
It would have been nice to have a few more descriptions of the debauchery at the party, but leaving it to the imagination of the reader is a valid choice. A little greater descriptiveness regarding the main players in the drama would definitely be an improvement though; I have only a sketchy idea of what anyone looked like.
You grammar and spelling need work, badly. You've forgotten to start a new paragraph for a new speaker in a couple of places, dropped quotation marks, thus making it difficult to tell when speech starts or ends, and generally your punctuation isn't either consistent or good. Plus, while I didn't notice any actual misspellings, you tend to drop letters, which has the same effect.
You need a good editor.
All that said, this is a worthwhile and skillfully constructed piece, pleasing to read. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 20, 2005 |
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"the end????" Lets hope not!! (8/10)
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