Back to Content & Review of this story Display the whole story in new window (text only) Previous Story Back to List of Newest Stories Next Story Back to BDSM Library Home

Review This Story || Author: Nialla

Can You Understand ?

Part 1

Can you understand ?


Can you understand that I dream about being killed ? Can you understand that in these dreams, I volunteer for it, that I beg for it ?


Can you understand that these dreams are very detailed and that I have had them since I was a little girl ? That the most wildly, totally sexual and spiritual fantasy for me is to be stabbed in the lower belly ? Can you understand that I have always wanted for this to happen in front of an audience, and audience that would take pleasure in my sacrifice, in my pain, in my submission, in my death ?


Can you understand that I have always known this ? It's not a bad, dark thing for me, it's a wonderful beautiful expression of myself.. to live among people, and for them to know that soon I will be killed by them, for their and my ecstasy is something that leaves me speechless with desire.


They will know that I am the most willing sacrifice, that I volunteered for it, that I want it, that I want to be killed to show myself in my truest light, to demonstrate my absolute and total slavery, my total lack of self-determination, my total and wholly willing submission of my mind and body. They will know as I walk among them that I dream of being killed with a large sharp blade, a blade that I will kiss before it takes me, lick before it stabs me... They will know this, and I will for that short time live among them as normal, but they will look at me strangely, not fully understanding..


Can you understand that I want to explain to them my desires, as I explain them to you now ? I want them (and you) to know that it will be a wonderful gift for me to be killed it may seem very strange to some but I imagine if you are reading this then you are some way already to understanding me...


Can you understand that I want with all my heart to stand before you and say 'thank you... thank you for killing me, thank you for letting me be what I need to be... thank you for allowing me to be the animal, the cow, the meat that I am so deep down... thank you for letting me show myself to you... it feels so good that you know this about me now...


I am not like other people I don't need or want to live like a normal human... I should be treated like a toy, a walking, talking (if you desire it), moving willing sex slave and the most atrocious things in the name of sex should be done to me at all times. I don't need or want clothes, I need and want only pain, abuse, humiliation, degradation and ultimately violent beautiful death' ….can you understand ?


Can you understand that when I was younger, I would draw on my tummy a mark for where I wanted the blade to go ? Always the same place, just a few inches up from my clit... I would take a knife to bed to play with myself, pretend it was really happening, sometimes getting so carried away I would cut myself.... those orgasms were the most powerful !


Can you understand that I liked to imagine I might be kidnapped, taken away and killed ? That it might happen on holiday somewhere, a foreign place, and I would never be found ? I would be sold to a wealthy buyer, kept for a while and then executed...


Can you understand that for a long long time I believed I was alone in these thoughts ? The intensity never ever waned but I did begin to think that I was alone in the world.. Discovering such artists as Dolcett has changed my life completely... Knowing that there are people who have the same desires as me, who long to be willingly killed, who desperately need to give themselves totally, and that there are others who would enjoy this, and who understand this, is amazing to me.


Can you understand how I would stand before you when the time came, I would be naked of course, but not restrained in any way, and you would hold the knife in front of you... I would look at you longingly in the eyes, wondering is this the time or are you teasing me again...? I would push my tummy forward, touching the point, kissing the point with my willing belly, tasting the first pleasure...


I would begin to gently pump my stomach onto the knife, moving closer so that it dug deeper into me, my pulse rising as the wonderful pain increased. You would get aroused by my need that you find as erotically and sexually fulfilling as I do, and we would both sense that the time is upon us.


You would kiss me, and I would lean forward to kiss you enthusiastically, knowing that the blade would break my skin, desperately wanting it to... You hold the knife steady, allowing me to stab myself on it. I know that you have done this and I kiss you even more passionately.


We are both overcome with lust by now, and so you lead me to the altar we have ready for my killing (everytime I write 'my killing' or 'I will be killed' it sends a massive thrill through me...). It is low, maybe thigh height, and I climb on very easily, having had countless sessions on here in the past.


This time we know it is different, and I cannot wait to take the blade into me... it must happen now, I am dripping wet... I raise my arms above my head, wrists facing up, and my legs open and relax outwards.. the altar is raised in the middle, the way I have always wanted it, so my belly is raised to you, ready to be raped, ready to be stabbed, ready and willing to be split open...


I have a faraway smile on my face, as do you, and we are locked in eye contact... the atmosphere is intense, my mind and body are in overload... I moan and nod, slowly at first, almost subconsciously, gently pushing my belly up higher, offering it to you...


'Take me... take my belly... stab me and kill me !' I say, like so many times before. 'Pleaaaaase.... give it to me... I need it, I must have it....' We have talked this way so many times, you know all the unbelievable, submissive things I like to say... 'I must be killed ! I must ! Kill me and slay your animal ! Kill your cow ! You know you must... you have promised ! Stab me... STAB ME !!!!! OH GOD...... I NEED IT SO MUCH ! I NEED TO BE KILLED, YOU KNOW I DO, YOU UNDERSTAND...... CUT ME OPEN !!!! SLICE ME !!!! I MUST HAVE IT, IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY !!!!!'


You put one hand on my forehead, and begin to apply pressure to my belly with the other, pushing the knife down... My eyes are as wide as my smile as I feel the knife penetrate into my soft willing belly an inch. I know am on my way, and we kiss deeply, savouring this most wonderful of moments.


'Thank you !' I say as I feel the knife in me... it is everything I have fantasised about for all these years, and more.. it is out of this world !

I see you reach down and bring up a small tray on it are several long very sharp needles, and I know you have done this as a special treat, my final treat !


As you place the first needle to my breast, I am beyond words and can only moan in pleasure as you push them deep into me. I feel the metal lancing through my breast meat and I feel like I being prepared for the grill.... it is AMAZING !!!!!!


You slowly pierce my body with all the needles, sending me into a frenzy of ecstatic pain/pleasure/experience, and still I feel the knife protruding erotically from my belly, waggling slightly as I twitch from the needles.



I am panting now, coming almost constantly, and we both know it is time. 'Finish me my love' I manage to say... 'finish your cow, kill me my beautiful love...' I can see the pleasure in your eyes as you see my pain, suffering and pleasure.. it is a moment that can't be explained in words, perfect beauty, timeless love....



Can you understand that I am ready for this ? That I need it more than ANYTHING else ?




'DOOOOOOOO ITTTTT MY LOVEEEEEEE' I shout......





OUR EYES ARE LOCKED AS YOU PLUNGE THAT BEAUTIFUL WEAPON DEEP INTO MY BELLY... I PUSH MYSELF UP TO MEET IT, AND I COME AND I COME AND I COME AS THE LAST BLOW RIPS DEEP INTO ME, TEARING THROUGH ME, RAPING ME DELICIOUSLY, FINALLY, TOTALLY.......



'THANK YOU FOR KILLING ME' ARE THE LAST WORDS THAT I WHISPER, WIDE-EYED AND SMILING, AS I DIE......





    xx






(I f you would like to discuss anything in this story with me, especially others who feel like me, please email me on niallawrites@googlemail.com )


Review This Story || Author: Nialla
Back to Content & Review of this story Display the whole story in new window (text only) Previous Story Back to List of Newest Stories Next Story Back to BDSM Library Home