Disconnections

Disconnections

- a series of stories -

by Eve Adorer

 

Cherubima McNeil

Synopsis: ‘All’s well that ends well’? In her own words, fourteen-year-old Cherubima tells it like it was one day....

 

Cherubima McNeil

I was so jealous of me new best friend Lisa, what I’d just met two weeks ago.

 

She ses I ‘ave very pretty legs, but ‘ers are so much longer than mine! She’s got lovely curly brown ‘air, when mine is borin’ blonde and borin’ straight. I’ve always loved blue eyes. And Lisa’s are so dark and bootiful. Mine are dark too, but borin’ brown! And I so wanna be tall. Mummy ses I’ll always be cuddly. And ‘ow lots of boys like dat. But Lisa is already five-five; and me only five-one: dat’s not fair!

 

At least I’ve got boobies. Poor Lisa is so flat! Mummy ses we’re both still growin’, and lots of changes ‘appen at different times to different girls.

 

We was on der train to Fordbridge one mornin’, me friend Lisa and me. And dis man kept lookin’ at me. And I knew ‘e was tryin’ to see me knickers. And I nudged Lisa. And she saw der man puttin’ ‘is ‘and on dis really big bulge in ‘is jeans? And she pointed and giggled. But I fought it was nice. Cos ‘e must ‘ave fought I was pretty. So, I sort of slid down der seat so me skirt went right up! And so ‘e could see all me legs.

 

And I knew ‘e liked me legs cos ‘e could not take ‘is eyes of dem. And I looked straight at ‘im. And ‘e smiled at me. But I don’t know if ‘e could see me knickers. And I smiled at ‘im too. And dat was really nice. And I know I went all red cos Lisa nudged me. And teased me. And we both giggled all der way to der ‘Caprice Shoppin’ Experience’ where we went to ‘Slugs’. And I got some well wicked eyeshade.

 

I’m fourteen now. Mummy ses I’m becomin’ a woman so fast she can’t keep pace wiv it all. And she ses I ought to wear a bra. But bras are for ‘oldin’ titties up. And mine stand up all by demselves, fank you very much! So I don’t want no bra. And mummy ses I ain’t very feminine. And I didn’t ought to wear combats and tee-shirts and trainers all der time.

 

Burra said Lisa does. And mummy den ses I’m a bit of a tomboy, whatever one of dem is. But me Aunty Beatrice ‘eard mummy say dat. And she said dat nobody could possibly mistake me for a boy. And ‘ow very pretty I am: “quite der prettiest girl in der whole of Barnmouth” she said. And dat made me get a tingle down dare in me fingy. And I went all ‘ot and red!

 

And we both dress der same Lisa and me. But dough mummy ses I’m too much like a boy, she wouldn’t let me wear a fong. And Aunty Beatrice told me I ‘ave a wicked bum and she pats me on me bum when I walk by ‘er when mummy isn’t dare.

 

And Mummy told me once why she fought Aunty Beatrice ‘adn’t got married. And I can’t remember what she said. But mummy seemed very embarrassed. And I said dat I fought Aunty Beatrice’s friend, Natalie, was very nice. But mummy said it was not right for two women to live togever like dat. And I said like what? And mummy didn’t say no more.

 

And I said to mummy, dat all der girls at der school is wearin’ dem, and dat Lisa wears ‘em; which ain’t quite true. But den mummy bought me some panties for me burfday? And dare was an ace black fong. And I wore it and I told Lisa I was wearin’ it.

 

And Lisa and me ‘ang around at der park. And some older girls like to talk to us. And Lisa is jealous dat dey always wanna talk to me and not ‘er.

 

And Aunty Beatrice pinched me bum once. And it really ‘urt and it made me squeak and leap and rub where she pinched me, wiv me ‘and. And Aunty Beatrice smiled and laughed and winked at me when I did all dat. And she did it under me skirt too!

 

When I say “all der girls at school” I only know, cos Lisa told me.

 

I don’t go to school. Mummy teaches me at ‘ome. But she ses it’s good for me to ‘ave friends of me own age. And she knows Lisa’s mummy. So Lisa is alright wiv mummy for me to be friends wiv see.

 

But mummy ‘ad to go to Senabre in southern Africa for a big conference where she works as an interpreter, cos she is as clever as she is bootiful. And everybody ses I’m already as lovely as she is. And I do so ‘ope so!!

 

But she works at ‘ome mostly. She translates Greek into English too. And we travel around a lot, cos she gets sent places by der agency. But she can teach me at ‘ome cos she was a teacher. And daddy ‘as to pay lots of money from der divorce. So mummy usually only works part time.

 

And it wasn’t so as if mummy was desertin’ me to go to Senabre at der end of der summer vacation or nuffink: the vacation what I ‘ad like der uvver girls – der ones dat did go to school for real dat is.

 

She said it was an international peace conference about Eyeram. I’d ‘eard of Eyeram and I so wanted mummy to go, even dough I would miss ‘er really terrible for der weeks she was gone!

 

And anyway, mummy said I could stay wiv Aunty Beatrice and ‘er friend Natalie. But I said dat I didn’t wanna. And mummy said dat if it was cos of what she, mummy, ‘ad said about der way Aunty Beatrice lived, dat ‘ad not been very kind and she was sorry she ‘ad said it. And dat I should take no notice of what she ‘ad said.

 

And I couldn’t tell mummy dat I didn’t wanna stay wiv Aunty Beatrice cos she ‘ad pinched me bum. So I said dat Aunty Beatrice was way too old and ‘ow dat was gross. And mummy said dat daddy’s sister was only twenty-five. “So I don’t ever wanna be twenty-five?!”, I said. And mummy smiled and kissed me face like she loved me for sayin’ dat.

 

And she said: “You must fink I’m very old indeed den”. And I said: “You mummy? You’re not old at all!” And mummy just laughed and said: “I’m ten years older than Beatrice!” And I said: “But dat don’t matter!” And mummy kissed me again. I fink she was just bein’ silly really.

 

And mummy said it would only be while she was away. And den she said: “’ow would you like to go to school wiv Lisa?” And den she told me dat she knew der ‘eadmistress at Lisa’s school cos der ‘eadmistress and mummy ‘ad been at university and teacher trainin’ college togever. And dat me teacher at school would be der ‘eadmistress’ daughter, Camille Angelslove.

 

And I’d met Miss Angelslove and she was really really bootiful wiv red ‘air in curls all der way down ‘er back. So I said I’d love to go to school if I would be in Lisa’s class. And mummy said I would be. So it was me what kissed mummy dis time.

 

The older girls in der park kept callin’ me ‘unny’. And I asked dem why. And said: “My name is Cherubima if you don’t mind!” all uppity like. Den der younger of der two girls said dey called me ‘unny’ cos I was so sweet. And I went red and said I was sorry for bein’ so rude. And she said ‘Cherubima’ was a very pretty name, and so it must be der right name for me, cos I was very sweet too. And I said “fank you”. And I felt really nice. And ‘er name is Mandy and she’s well fit.

 

Then dat girl, Mandy, she’s seventeen I fink, said: “How about a kiss Cherubima?” And I said: “Girl’s don’t kiss girls” but I so wanted to.

 

Mandy is really ace. She goes to Lisa’s school and is der best affleete. And dances ballet too! She’s got black ‘air and ‘er face is really really knockout, like she could be a model? And she’s got really really terrif’ legs.

 

Then Mandy said a kiss from anuvver girl was like, so well wicked, der best kisses in der world. And dat dey wanted to see if me kisses tasted of ‘unny: like me name. And I said: “Cherubima you mean?” and she said: “Yes ‘unny”. And I felt me fingy goin’ all excited. And when Mandy took ‘old of me ‘and, I saw Lisa look like she could kill me. But I didn’t care none. I wanted so to know what it was like to be kissed. I’d seen it on der telly of course. And mummy kisses me. I ‘oped it would be like in der telly dough; and not like mummy!

 

And when I went to stay wiv Aunty Beatrice, she said I looked a ‘frump’ I fink it was: whatever one of doze is, or a ‘tramp’ or somefin’ mingin’. And she got out ‘er sewin’ machine and shortened all me dresses and skirts and locked me jeans and combat togs away somewhere.

 

And I got emails from mummy and sent ‘er piccies of me in me mini-skirt wiv me ‘emline just below me bum. And she wrote back dat I looked really really lovely; and ‘ow I was ‘er little angel and to be careful wiv der boys, or I would break dare poor ‘earts, I was so lovely. And dat made me feel so special!?

 

But not der same special as when Mandy said I was pretty. And I could see ‘er friend Kelley lookin’ at me too like she wanted to ‘old me in ‘er arms like on der movies. And Kelley rides a motorbike and ‘as left school to go to college at Fordbridge. And I wanna go to college too.

 

And Kelley said I was der sexiest little fing she’d ever seen. And we’d been talkin’ about ‘orses cos I do ridin’ and dat. And some practice show jumpin’.

 

And I didn’t do nuffink to make dem talk like dat. But Kelley just ses what a pretty girl I am, right out and no messin’. And she ses: “How old are you?” And I said: “Sixteen” and she said: “No you ain’t”. And I said: “Alright den fourteen”. And I went all red for lyin’. And she said I looked so pretty when I went red like dat. And I’m always goin’ red like dat. And I fought it was really gross. But now I know it ain’t; it’s nice.

 

And den Mandy said to Kelley: “Bet she’s a virgin”. And I said: “No I ain’t!”, but I went all red again. And hung me ‘ead. And Mandy ‘eld me ‘ead up wiv ‘er ‘and under me chin, and told me I was an angel. And I really liked dat.

 

And I knew mummy wouldn’t like to know dat Mandy and Kelley was talkin’ to me like dat. And I knew lots of boys fancied me too, cos dey would wolf whistle when me and Lisa were at der shoppin’ centre. And they’d be down below der movin’ staircase to try and see up our skirts, when we was wearin’ one. And Lisa and me never ever use der elevator lifts never.

 

And so I went to der park in a miniskirt and wiv me friend Lisa, feelin’ really sexy in me fong? And der two older girls whistled and den came up and said I ‘ad really great legs. And was a real dream. And ‘ow about dat kiss, cos I wouldn’t let dem der first time see. And I ‘adn’t gone to der school wiv Lisa yet. And der summer vacation was nearly over too now.

 

And dey told me dey ‘ad seen me on me pony over der jumps in a paddock at Lady Barnmouth’s place. And I said: “So?!” cos dey were embarrassin’ me, even dough I liked dem to tell me ‘ow pretty I am.

 

But I couldn’t say it as nasty as I wanted to do. And dey, well Kelley anyway, said dey was watchin’ me tits bouncin’, as I rode on ‘Ying-Yang’ a Chinese ponygirl what Lady Barnmouth lent me to ride, cos she knows me mummy. And I went all red again. And giggled. And Lisa giggled too.

 

And when Mindi took ‘old of me ‘and, I could see Lisa lookin’ like she could kill me? And I said to Mindi: “Can me friend come too?” And Mindi laughed and said “No fank you!” all unkind. And I felt sorry for Lisa. And den Mindi said “You’re mate’s alright I suppose, but you’re der crack ‘ot one”. And me face went all red. And I felt really really special?

 

And dey took me to der tool-shed where dey keep der lawnmowers and dat? And it was locked, but dare was a ‘ole in der back wiv a plank fing loose.

 

And it was all dark and cool in der shed. And it smelt of grass cuttings. And Mindy and Kelley seemed shy of me. And I so wanted dem to kiss me. And I was wiv me back to der shed’s wall wiv one foot up on der wall. And I could see dat Mindy so wanted to touch me figh. And den Kelley kissed me on me mouth. And it was all quick and over like nuffink, and wet and gross too. And I fought maybe she’d not kissed a girl before. And I wanted a real kiss. But Mindy said would I show dem me tits.

 

And I said: “No”. But I so wanted to. And Kelley started to undo me shirt buttons and I didn’t try to stop ‘er. But it was really weird. It was like dey was older than me, but like dey were frightened of ‘urtin’ me?

 

And it was me what opened out me shirt. And dey just looked at me tits and kept sayin’ dey were just bootiful, really bootiful. And I felt a tingle in me fingy. And I let dem look at me tits for as long as dey liked. I didn’t mind.

 

Den Lisa came in. And I showed Lisa me tits too. And I looked real proud cos I was. And Lisa wouldn’t talk to me all der way ‘ome.

 

And den Lisa said: “Did dey kiss you?”. And I said: “Yea. It was really really wicked” and Lisa began to cry. And I said: “Why are you cryin’?”. And she said: “Cos I love you”. But I didn’t want Lisa to kiss me or nuffink, cos we’re just friends Lisa and me. But I let ‘er kiss me. And it was really really nice. And she stopped cryin’ when she’d kissed me. And she wanted to ‘olds ‘ands till I got to Aunty Beatrice’s ‘ouse. But I said no cos mummy would get told.

 

And next day I was to go to school for der first time, cos der new term ‘ad started and der summer vacation was over?

 

And Aunty Beatrice said to wear me shortest skirt and a fong, so I would really wow dem? And she said I would make lots of friends among der girls dare, if I dressed to show ‘ow pretty I am? And I said: “It’s all girls dare, cos it’s an all-girls school”. And I fought dat was a funny joke; but Aunty Beatrice didn’t laugh. And showed me der shoes she’d bought me. And dey were really really like ‘wow!’?

 

And dey was like ballerina’s shoes wiv squared-off toes and steel toecaps? And Aunty Beatrice said they’d show me pretty legs at dare very best!

 

And I couldn’t wait to put dem on. And dey were all soft leather wiv a velvet linin’. And at der toe end, me big toes went into an ‘ole inside dem. Cos inside dey was like gloves? And inside dem, all me uvver toes was curved back inside der pockets what ‘eld dem; but me big toes went straight ahead?

 

And dey ‘ad laces what were wrapped around me calves. And I wasn’t wearin’ no stockings nor nuffink. And der laces were like criss-crossed around me legs and tied in bows just under me knees.

 

And Aunty Beatrice said to stand up while she ‘elped me.

 

And I nearly fell over when I tried. But she ‘eld me ‘and, and I stood up. And I was on tiptoe like a ballerina? But I was only stood on me big toes? And I felt me fingy go all tingly, cos it felt really really sexy standin’ on me big toes all der time like dat!

 

And I said: “I’ll get into bovver for only wearin’ a fong!” And Aunty Beatrice said no I wouldn’t, and what a great little bum I ‘ad when I was stood on tiptoe like I was.

 

And she made me look at me in front of der mirror in der ‘allway. And I went all red cos I could see ‘ow really really sexy I looked and it made me fingy twitch. And Aunty Beatrice said I was “devastating” or whatever. And I went really really red cos dat sounded really really nice.

 

And Lisa and me walked to school. And Lisa said ‘ow nice I looked. And I said: “fank you Lisa”. And Lisa went all red like she was really in love wiv me and I ‘ad pleased ‘er and dat, just cos I’d said “fank you” and dat.

 

And all der uvver girls ‘eadin’ for der school, well nearly all of dem, was lookin’ at me legs. And sayin’ fings like “wow!” and some of dem wolf whistled at me. And it was ‘ot, so I was wearin’ a school blouse as well as a skirt. And I know me boobies was jigglin’ cos I wasn’t wearin’ no bra.

 

And Lisa looked like she wanted to ‘old me ‘and, but was too scared to touch me cos I was too bootiful or summat? Like when der older girls wanted to kiss me in der shed at der park? And dat felt really really special? And I felt really really nice, like I was a princess or summat.

 

And when I walked into class on me big-toes in me ballet shoes, it was like wow from all der uvver girls. And dey was all lookin’ at me legs. And I could ‘ear dem sayin’ ‘ow pretty I was. And sayin’ I must be der new girl, which I was.

 

And der teacher was Miss Angelslove. And she was really really bootiful wiv red ‘air in curls all der way down ‘er back? And ‘er face was all pale and white like she was a knockdead gorgeous ghost. And she ‘ad green eyes wiv ‘er red ‘air. And ‘er curls were all glowin’ like. And ‘er body was well fit! She’d got big tits. And dey was well fillin’ ‘er shirt like dey was giant melons. But dey was not gross nor nuffink. And ‘er bum was sexy. Like it swung when she walked? And she’d got really really ace legs!

 

And I could feel ‘er eyes on me when I came into der class wiv Lisa. And I turned and smiled. And she went a bit red, like she fought I was pretty too. And I so ‘oped so, cos Camille – Miss Angelslove - is really really knockout.

 

And she said: “Good mornin’ Lisa” to me friend, “And you must be Cherubima McNeil” to me, like.

 

And I said: “Yes miss”

 

And she said: “Welcome Cherubima. You do look so lovely, just like your mother. I’m sure you’ll soon settle in wiv us while she’s away sweetheart…”

 

And I’m like: “So lovely?!” and “Sweetheart?!” and like “Wow!!” And I’m goin’ all red. And Camille is goin’ red too. And all der class is lookin’ at us. And I ‘eard a girl say “bitch” cos she was jealous cos Miss Angelslove found me really really pretty and dat?

 

And I walk to der desk next to Lisa. And I know all der girls wanna watch me sit down so me skirt goes up and dey can see all me fighs and dat? And maybe dey ‘ope to see some bare bum too?

 

And I sit down real slow. And all der uvver girls are watchin’ and Camille too. And I feel really really special. And when I’m sittin’ I look up at Miss Angelslove. And she can’t look me in der eye. And I feel me fingy really really really tingle when I look at ‘er, cos she is really really ace.

 

And den der lessons begin and I know as ‘ow Lisa wants to stroke me figh. And I smile at ‘er. And she goes all red.

 

And when we is bein’ taught English and dat, Lisa passes me a note and I read it under me desk. And I don’t fink it was from ‘er cos I’ve seen ‘er writin’ and dis writin’ is all messy. And it ses on der note: “Can I sniff your knickers?” And der someone what ‘as written it ‘as added “Camille” so it is like it was from Miss Angelslove ‘erself? And I feel me ‘eart thumpin’ cos I can’t believe it’s true.

 

Then Miss Angelslove ses: “Camille. Will you read us der openin’ passage from ‘All’s Well Dat Ends Well’. And dis really bootiful black girl stands up. And she’s readin’ out loud: “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day…” And ‘er lips are so ace.

 

And me fingy throbs cos I realise der note is from ‘er. And Miss Angelslove is smiling: “No Camille. Lovely dough dat is, I fink we are not lookin’ at der right page?” And I can see dat der Camille dat wants to smell me knicks is in love wiv Camille Angelslove, der teacher. And I guess dat she ‘as read der wrong page on purpose so Miss Angelslove might tell ‘er off and come over and show ‘er der right page, or sommat like dat.

 

And when class is takin’ a break. I go to der bathroom. And der black girl is ‘angin’ about. And I smile at ‘er. And she looks so ‘appy. And I go into a cubicle and I take off me fong and I ‘and it to ‘er round der door of der cubicle? And I watch ‘er smell der crutch. And maybe me smell is not strong enough for ‘er. But she still smiles.

 

And I ‘ave a pee sittin’ on der pan. And I look up. And some of these girls from me class are lookin’ over der top of der cubicle and gigglin’ when I spot dem. And dey watch me pee. And dey listen to me peein’.

 

And den some of dem are pointin’. And some of dem are gigglin’ like dey were goin’ to die gigglin’. And I realise dey can see I wasn’t wearin’ no knickers.

 

But dare giggles seemed strange. Dey was a bit like dey ‘ad spotted I ‘ad got chalk on me bum or sommat. And so I look around at me bum. And dey point and giggle all der more. And like I’m so pullin’ der ‘emline of me skirt down real ‘ard?

 

And I dunno what der gigglin’ at, cos it ain’t as if I ain’t a blonde between me legs as well as wiv der ‘air on me ‘ead.

 

And when we get back to der class. Teacher isn’t dare yet. And all der uvver girls, includin’ me best friend Lisa, is all quite when I wiggle in like. And den one of dem lets a snort like giggle go. And I don’t know why dey are so quiet.

 

And I sit on me chair. And dey ‘ave put drawin’ pin tacks on me chair. And I don’t see dem cos I don’t expect dem to be dare do I? And I sit down. And dey prick me in me bum! And I shoot up squealin’? And cos I don’t ‘ave time to pull me skirt down, all der girls can see me fingy.

 

And dey start to giggle and point. And me best friend Lisa starts a chant of: “We can see your fingy!” “We can see your fingy!” “We can see your fingy!” And all der uvver girls join in?

 

And I’m like in tears cos dey are bein’ so cruel. But I’ve got like a really big tingle in me fingy?

 

And der black beauty, der uvver Camille, ‘as let der uvver girls ‘ave me knickers. And der uvver girls are frowin’ dem round der room, between each uvver, shouting: “Catch!” And dat is ‘ow dey know dey can see me fingy, wot wiv me skirt bein’ so short and dat, and dem ‘avin’ me panties to frow abart.

 

And der more dey giggle and point and chant: “We can see your fingy!” “We can see your fingy!” der more excited me fingy gets. And it’s really gettin’ me so red and so ashamed at lettin’ me fingy show.

 

And I’m ‘angin’ me ‘ead as I stand dare. And yet me fingy is gettin’ really really excited now. And I sit down wiv me legs under der desk?

 

And all der girls are gigglin’ and laughin’. And den dey starts to chant: “We wanna see your fingy!” “We wanna see your fingy!” “We wanna see your fingy!” “We wanna see your fingy!”.

 

And der more cruel dey are der more me fingy likes it. And der more excited it gets. And I’m like ‘angin’ me ‘ead on me desk wiv shame?

 

And teacher, Miss Angelslove, ‘asn’t come into class yet. And all der uvver girls get up from dare desks, and fight over each uvver to get around mine?

 

And dey point and giggle and some of dem are cryin’ wiv laughter. And me best friend Lisa starts shoutin’: “We can see your fingy!” “We can see your fingy!” “We can see your fingy!”

 

And teacher, Miss Angelslove, comes into der class. And I’m like surrounded by all der uvver girls scept Camille, der lovely black girl, who is cryin’ cos der uvver girls are bein’ so cruel to me?

 

And Miss Angelslove sees all der girls around me desk. And she can ‘ear dem chantin’ and sniggering?

 

And she finks I’m bein’ naughty. And she calls out: “What’s goin’ on at der back dare?”

 

And all der girls in ‘er class love ‘er, cos she is well fit; and so nice, and really really ace. And all der girls dat ‘ad gavvered round me, to try and see me fingy, began to giggle again. And to scrabble back to dare desks.

 

And Miss Angelslove asks me: “What are you ‘idin’ under der desk Cherubima?”

 

And I say: “Nuffink miss!”

 

And der uvver girls snigger and giggle like?

 

And Miss Angelslove ses: “Cherubima McNeil, I don’t believe you. Stand up and stand up right now: and let der whole class see what a wicked girl you are!”

 

And I stand up.

 

And der girls in der class giggle and point. And der more dey giggle and point, der more I go red wiv shame. And der more I go red wiv shame, der more excited me fingy gets.

 

And I begin to cry wiv der embarrassment.

 

And it was really really really gross?

 

Der uvver girls, includin’ me best friend Lisa, pointed and screamed in tears wiv ‘elpless giggles and laughter, and der truly bootiful Miss Angelslove was blushin’ dead deep red, like a really really gorgeous rose?

 

And…… And…… And….., it was really really mingin’, cos der whole class and me best friend Lisa could see me cock standin’ right up ‘ard, all stiff and really really throbbin’ and bobbing, all nine-inches?

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