True-to-life Expereinces With BDSM
From a very early age, I have always been excited by the idea of pain. Not real
pain, necessarily, but erotic pain... (within limits). And I've always in some
way or another been into domination and submission (with me in both roles... --
just not at the same time...lol). More recently bondage has also become a big
kink. The idea of being completely helpless and at the mercy of someone else is
really exciting.
In elementary school, we always used to play Cops and Robbers at recess. And I
loved that game - played it every day. And when I was a robber... I WANTED to
get caught...Why? Because I wanted to be held unable to escape, my wrists
tightly held behind my back... I wanted to be searched - everywhere - for hidden
"keys" (twigs)....and I wanted to be locked up. When there was a jailbreak and
I was freed, I sometimes even pretended I hadn't been until I found the most
opportune moment to escape just so I could (intentionally) get caught again.
And I always wanted to have lots of hidden keys... but not so I could use them
to escape... So they could later be found and I'd be punished for them...
Apparently, I wasn't eh only one who really enjoyed this game though... It got
to the point where Cops and Robbers was banned - because it was becoming to
aggressive - -with too much physical (and some sexual) contact.
As much as I wanted to be locked up and punished from a young age, the pain I
wanted had always been better in fantasies. In fantasies, I could close my eyes
and get incredibly hot imagining my helpless body clamped, weighted, and being
caned by a sadistic master.... Although, in reality, my pain threshold is VERY
low... Heck, I passed out from the pain when I was getting my nose cauterized
(apparently I'm the first one to ever do that with the Doctor I saw)... SO
obviously, my fantasies were full of pain bringing me towards orgasms, but real
pain wasn't exciting for me (or not yet at least).
My first real experience with the incredible pleasure possible from the
endorphin rush of pain was actually not BDSM related. It was accidental. I was
sitting at the computer reading a very hot erotic story. I was playing with my
clit lightly, but I wasn't near orgasm just yet. And then... I stubbed my toe.
Hard. And completely by accident. And I felt this rush through my entire body
(endorphins!!!). Minutes later I was shaking with the throes of an incredible
orgasm. Pain and Pleasure were one in the same. Until that day, I didn't
understand how anyone could really derive pleasure from being hurt, though it
did make for exciting fantasies. But from then on, .... I knew that it really
was possible. (and more than possible - magical - incredible -- ...). Even
now, I get hot when I stub my toe.... *innocent grin*...whether or not its
related to anything at all - or just purely accidental.
